Things After Dating, What Would You Do??
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Side 2
Side 2
Side 1 says...
Ok, well my girlfriend and I love each other very much. We have been in a relationship for 4 yrs now.
We just don't seem to get each other on the issues like marriage and babies and that.
Understandably it started with me starting the relationship by telling her that she was the girl I wanted to marry. I also said I wanted to marry her within 5 years of us dating.
But now that the time is growing closer, I'm realising that time is closing in fast, and maybe too fast for my liking.
Recently we had a pregnancy "scare", and I told her I wanted her to get an abortion. She ended up not being pregnant though. She was upset that I said I wanted her to get an abortion... But we're in our early 20's, so..yeah.
The other day she said to me that it might be a good idea to reconsider our sexual activity if I wasn't ready to face the consequences of possibly her being pregnant before I'm ready. The thing is, she's ready and I'm not. We both don't WANT kids right now, but she would definitely keep it if she was pregnant.
So I suggested we don't have sex until we get married in a few years.
In truth I spent a lot of time messing around and wasting my time in terms of jobs and what I want to do with my life when I should have been sorting myself out.. Due to that, I've kinda mentally pushed everything we "planned" back to accommodate my fear of everything happening too fast.
I just want her to accept it and stop trying to understand everything from me all the time. How do I help her stop!!
We just don't seem to get each other on the issues like marriage and babies and that.
Understandably it started with me starting the relationship by telling her that she was the girl I wanted to marry. I also said I wanted to marry her within 5 years of us dating.
But now that the time is growing closer, I'm realising that time is closing in fast, and maybe too fast for my liking.
Recently we had a pregnancy "scare", and I told her I wanted her to get an abortion. She ended up not being pregnant though. She was upset that I said I wanted her to get an abortion... But we're in our early 20's, so..yeah.
The other day she said to me that it might be a good idea to reconsider our sexual activity if I wasn't ready to face the consequences of possibly her being pregnant before I'm ready. The thing is, she's ready and I'm not. We both don't WANT kids right now, but she would definitely keep it if she was pregnant.
So I suggested we don't have sex until we get married in a few years.
In truth I spent a lot of time messing around and wasting my time in terms of jobs and what I want to do with my life when I should have been sorting myself out.. Due to that, I've kinda mentally pushed everything we "planned" back to accommodate my fear of everything happening too fast.
I just want her to accept it and stop trying to understand everything from me all the time. How do I help her stop!!
Added by migie088 (male)
Side 2 says...
Ok so this morning we were laying in bed and I brought it up, telling him I knew that with him there was an obvious distinction between him wanting to have kids and us one day trying for them, and him being at the point where he would be willing to accept the consequences of his actions if I got pregnant and raise a child despite actually "trying for one".
Obviously right now he's at the point where he doesn't want to try for one, and is also at the point where he blatantly admits he would not be willing to accept the consequences if I was pregnant.
The thing that cuts me is that, not that he doesn't WANT a baby right now, but that if I WAS pregnant, he would rather me have an abortion than "give up his life" for a child.
This really upset me.
So it was at this point where he said he thought it would be a good idea for us therefore to not have sex until HE is at the point where he would be able to accept a baby if I had one.
Obviously I'm already at the point where I would be happy and keep the baby if I had one, whereas he is not. So, I asked him when abouts he WOULD be ready, and he said "Well it would be the same as when I want kids, there's no grey area.. I want to only have kids when I've accomplished everything else that I want to do in my life."
It's not like I'm forcing myself upon him and asking him to have a kid with me now and get married this second and live happily ever after. But for him to say that he ONLY wants a child once he's "accomplished" everything in his life just makes me feel ultra confused and upset. When will that be? Will that ever be? or am I just gonna be stuck waiting?
So I was like "Ok then, you want to NOT have sex until we're 30?" And he's like "Yeah pretty much."
So now, our conversation had descended to the point where he is just being sarcastic and not even trying to help. I don't mean to make him mad, all I want is a mature, adult discussion about our future before something happens that make things worse for the both of us.
When we first started going out, we had talked and HE had said he wanted to get married in 2012. Why that year, I don't know... And ever since then, both myself and HIMSELF have told people we were PLANNING on getting married by 2012.
We haven't really talked about marriage and kids since. Well, until the end of last year, to now really. Because honestly, after 4 years, nothing has really progressed.
And of course, his only defense is, "Oh well, I spent a lot of time messing around, and not doing what I should and stuff... And yeah, I would be ready to marry you now or in 2012 if I hadn't been messing around."
He also always says "If something happened, and I had to pick you or a career, I'd always pick you..." or "If you gave me the choice of you leaving or me proposing, I'd propose." He clearly doesn't mean what he says because I know for a fact he wouldn't. Because I've left before, and he's laughed at my face and said good riddance.
I don't deserve this kinda stuff. I love him, but I need some things too. They're not big things. I just need reassurance. Reassurance that, hey, if I was pregnant, he wouldn't go distant and just tell me to get an abortion to solve a problem that was our fault and no one elses. Because it was never in MY plan to end up with a guy like that. And Jake is the last person I thought would tell me to get an abortion.... Or act like this at all.
I don't know. I'm contemplating the fact that this relationship might just be over.
Obviously right now he's at the point where he doesn't want to try for one, and is also at the point where he blatantly admits he would not be willing to accept the consequences if I was pregnant.
The thing that cuts me is that, not that he doesn't WANT a baby right now, but that if I WAS pregnant, he would rather me have an abortion than "give up his life" for a child.
This really upset me.
So it was at this point where he said he thought it would be a good idea for us therefore to not have sex until HE is at the point where he would be able to accept a baby if I had one.
Obviously I'm already at the point where I would be happy and keep the baby if I had one, whereas he is not. So, I asked him when abouts he WOULD be ready, and he said "Well it would be the same as when I want kids, there's no grey area.. I want to only have kids when I've accomplished everything else that I want to do in my life."
It's not like I'm forcing myself upon him and asking him to have a kid with me now and get married this second and live happily ever after. But for him to say that he ONLY wants a child once he's "accomplished" everything in his life just makes me feel ultra confused and upset. When will that be? Will that ever be? or am I just gonna be stuck waiting?
So I was like "Ok then, you want to NOT have sex until we're 30?" And he's like "Yeah pretty much."
So now, our conversation had descended to the point where he is just being sarcastic and not even trying to help. I don't mean to make him mad, all I want is a mature, adult discussion about our future before something happens that make things worse for the both of us.
When we first started going out, we had talked and HE had said he wanted to get married in 2012. Why that year, I don't know... And ever since then, both myself and HIMSELF have told people we were PLANNING on getting married by 2012.
We haven't really talked about marriage and kids since. Well, until the end of last year, to now really. Because honestly, after 4 years, nothing has really progressed.
And of course, his only defense is, "Oh well, I spent a lot of time messing around, and not doing what I should and stuff... And yeah, I would be ready to marry you now or in 2012 if I hadn't been messing around."
He also always says "If something happened, and I had to pick you or a career, I'd always pick you..." or "If you gave me the choice of you leaving or me proposing, I'd propose." He clearly doesn't mean what he says because I know for a fact he wouldn't. Because I've left before, and he's laughed at my face and said good riddance.
I don't deserve this kinda stuff. I love him, but I need some things too. They're not big things. I just need reassurance. Reassurance that, hey, if I was pregnant, he wouldn't go distant and just tell me to get an abortion to solve a problem that was our fault and no one elses. Because it was never in MY plan to end up with a guy like that. And Jake is the last person I thought would tell me to get an abortion.... Or act like this at all.
I don't know. I'm contemplating the fact that this relationship might just be over.
Added by zzzx (female)
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