Tired Of My Boyfriends Lifestyle And Friends.

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Side 2
Side 1 says...
Me and my boyfriend generally get along well, were like best friends in so many ways. When we do fight though it always seems to be about his flaky friends or some sexual perversion, or a moral disagreement. Call me old fashioned or a prude but I just cannot agree with him on some things, he's much more liberal and open minded than me on many matters, even though I consider myself to be quite intelligent and open minded also. In my opinion there is a certain etiquette in how we treat others and I treat others with respect and courtesy and appreciate the same. I don't care to have people in my life who negatively affect me or don't treat me with the same respect. That being said my boyfriends friends are incredibly flaky and despite my attempts to look past this it keeps coming between the both of us. All of his female friends are women he has previously perused or has been intimate with. I find this odd in itself, and to me it displays an inability to be just friends with females. Every time an issue arises he chocks it up to jealousy, says I'm overreacting, or just looking to fight. It's not about that though, he continuously defends these women and himself while devaluing my opinion and feelings. He may not have to agree with me on everything but when an issue arises multiple times I feel like a solid partner would at the very least understand that while they may be in disagreement, this is something that affects there partner and something they need to attend to. It's not that I'm jealous it's that I feel disrespected. One woman will make plans consistently and not show up or bail last minute. I don't do that to my friends and I don't appreciate in return. Once or twice may be understandable but not all the time. She also has talked behind my back with my bf, asked him if he's happy, told me flat out that me and her are not friends despite me trying to be. She comes over and will ask to have alone time with my bf, last time she said she didn't think I would be interested in their conversation... I was really taken aback. Some of them will randomly text wanting to hang out. Maybe I'm too considerate but I would never text or call another woman partner at dinner time on a Monday to "drop by". This is supposed to be my home too. It's not as if I don't want to be friends with his friends I have tried but they have no respect or consideration for me and treat me poorly. This is what upsets me, not that there females, but that they are people I don't want in my life. I have no problem with my boyfriend having female friends, I have a problem with the females he's friends with. He fails to respect my feelings and says he doesn't agree with me, thinks I'm being jealous and reiterates he'd never cheat on me. I understand that, it's the principle of the matter and the fact that I don't enjoy being treated or feeling this way. I would understand more if it were somebody he had been friends with for a long time and had a bond with, however there all woman he met at a bar, tried to pick up, dated, chased, or had intimate relationships with. He still keeps a whole bunch of pictures and letters from his exes even nude photos. I asked him about this before and he said he would get rid of them, I still have nude photos of the women he's slept with in our home. Before we were dating he also partook in an affair with one of his married coworkers, he still works with this person and it's things like this that make me just shake my head. I have never had to deal with this before and I don't feel it's right or normal. He apparently thinks alot of things are normal and just fine. I was hesitant about starting our relationship in the beginning, he pursued me hard and would not accept being just friend's although I raised many concerns. Eventually I decided to give things ago and now I find myself quite attached to him. I care about him but I can't help but wonder if he'll ever grow up and change his lifestyle. I want him to grow with me not drag me down. I can't help but feel as though he does though, from his annoying social circle to his freaky sexual tendencys to his chronic pot addiction. He's been a terrible influence on me and I started smoking as well after dating him. I don't want this in my life, and I'm not sure I see him being a healthy long term partner if things do not change. I don't want to start a family with a drug user, even if it is pot. I also don't want to have a long term relationship with somebody I feel undervalues my opinions and feelings, we may not always agree but I feel in a healthy relationship you work together to find a happy medium, and if something is seriously distressing your partner you find ways to alleviate that instead of dismissing them because you feel there wrong and your right. I'm just tired and thinking of moving on, however maybe I really am crazy. He says it's me so maybe it is. How would you feel?
Added by heather2889 (female)
Side 2 says...
She blows things way out of proportion. I feel like she's just waiting to get angry or hurt. I love this woman and I feel I've done more than enough to prove that. I've supported her and stood by her through so much, I've never once been unfaithful to her. The other women in my life are just friends, that's it. There nice and cool and fun to hang out with. We like to chill it's no big deal. I admit my friends can be flaky and it can get annoying but it happens. My one good friend has made more recent attempts to be friendly with my girlfriend and even came to her birthday party and bought her a gift. I can't control who or when somebody calls, emails or texts me. Not everybody abides by the same set of rules and my girlfriend doesn't seem to understand that. Honestly I think she takes things way to seriously. As for sex I admit that I enjoy some taboo fetishes. I think that these are normal and purely fantasy and would never engage in deviant acts with minor or cause harm to anybody. I also enjoy smoking pot, I have for years. My girlfriend doesn't have to smoke with me and I'm content with my habit. I've never given her any reason to distrust me. I'm not perfect but I do love this woman and wish she would see that and understand that none of this is a big deal and that I would never betray her. I'm tired of fighting and her getting jealous and overreacting every time one of my female friends is mentioned.
Added by matt05 (male)
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