How do I make a clear message that this incident made a huge impact on our relationship?

Let me just start by saying my bf is a kind person, is for the most part very good to me. I decided a long time ago that I would accept how he was....he has a very low threshold for stress and sacrificing "his time"...or being able to decipher between what is more important...a human relationship or making sure my household chores are done and having "me" time.

I own a consignment store. My lease ended and I had to move the store to a new location. The new location needed A LOT of work. Funds were limited so nearly all had to be done myself. My significant other of 9 years (we've been living together for 6) thought the new location was great agreed the move was a good one.
I am 40 years old, and very able (but had reconstructive knee surgery earlier this year) and have a 19 year daughter. I also do about 35 hours per week bookkeeping. My daughter and I did 85% and some of her friends of the move ourselves. My bf has a 8-4:30 office job, a 40 min commute. He paid to have a sign made and he installed it himself, he helped paint for 2 hours one Saturday.
The final week of preparing the store was pretty much 6 days straight for my daughter and I of 12 hour days. My bf did not stop by the store once during that week (he literally drives right by on his way home from work), nor did he call once to see how things were going. In fact he went home one evening and cooked himself a big meal chicken potatos had some beers and probably did not think twice about me. The day we were to open he told me I should take a break, I snapped and asked how things would get done if I do so. He stormed out bitching about his stressful job.
That night he stopped by on his way home from work, my mother happened to be there and I was finishing up with her which was about 10 min. Before I knew it he left already. I called and asked him why he left and he said...I was hungry I had not eaten all day.
A few days later I explained to him how I felt, angry, hurt and abandond during a time I really needed him. It has always generally been his nature to be easily stressed by work (at least in my opinion) and then certain things MUST be done around the house before he can commit to anything else (ie laundry, groceries) He does a lot around the house, more than I do. He felt I had no reason to be upset.
This Saturday I had an opening reception planned after hours. I emailed him the invitation, talked to him about how I invited his siblings and discussed that I was going to order party trays. He said he was going grocery shopping that morning and if there was anything I needed. I asked him to pickup several 2ltrs of soda. 4pm he shows up at the store, I ask him if he has the soda, he said no I thought that was for home. I asked if he could just bring them at 5:30 when the party begins...his answer well I am here now (he was telling me he had no plans to be at the store for 5:30) I cannot explain how hurt and angry I was.
Last night I decided to just sit and relax with my laptop. He was having some beers and thought we would spend some "time" together. He made comments about my face in the laptop, my comment was "This is my time which I have not had much lately and I choose to be on the computer, how can you expect after the last week that I feel a desire to spend some time chatting over a glass of wine with you?" Still insisting that I was upset over nothing, I got really angry....I made sure he knew that I was grateful for the sign but that that the cute pumpkin, mum he put by the fireplace, new candles and freshly made stew meant nothing to me (he does this every year and before I moved in), that he left me high and dry during my time of need and I was pretty angry" He went to bed saying over and over how mean I am????
I have come to a huge milestone with my acceptance of how he is, this should have been one of those times he just "got it"
By roseboutique 15 years ago :: Marriage
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