Was the husband ready to be out of the marriage prior, if he was only out to get divorced despite counseling?

Married 10 years when divorce was handed out. Upon dating, the guy lied about a relationship with a woman whom he was not to involved with since she was separated from her Navy officer husband and going to counseling. The guy is an Navy officer as well -this realtionship would have meant his expulsion. Upon finding out the true nature of this relationship - 6 months after dating the guy - the girl gives him a choice - her or me, not both. He choses the girlfriend and they get married. The guy after 3 years of marriage is denied a promotion and becomes totally withdrawn and rightfully so. Then after a year of less and less interaction, he decides their next tour would be in a city that is the same as the previous illicit relationship (this was strongly denied by the wife)and for much , much less money - in order to try to get the Navyc areer back on track. In this time - and after 3 miscarriages in which all were lost at 5 months through - this guy never went to doctors appointments or offered any consoling to his wife with these events. He felt as though is was a numbers game. Totally emotionless. After 1 year of living in the city with the former relationship woman, he and she have contact with each other for weeks when the wife finds out. He tells that the other woman is part of the task force and it's platonic. The wife then also finds that he has this womans current address and emails are ensuing between them despite it only being work related. He has also changed his mornign routine to walk the dog at 5:15am and while doing so is having phone conversations - which turn out to be with a nurse on a 6pm-6am shift. This woman is a former neighbor of his - again platonic. However, the guy would often make trips to the mall which was 20 minutes past the closest mall - which is next to the housing development where the nurse lived. He also CHOSE to take an 18 month tour overseas despite his wife telling him their marriage amy falter. His reply was - If it was meant to be...
During this time - the wife and a friend have an intimate relationship. It was easy to have this because of separate accounts in the marriage. Upon the husbands return, he is told and wants a divorce - because he's not upset by the affair but by the fact money was spent on having the maffair. He wants a divorce - only to go marraige counseling and try to re-marry later. All of these things add up to - someone who wanted out of the marriage and didn't have the gumption to do it himself. What say ye?
By cnymph 15 years ago :: Marriage
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