A friend eats at my house A LOT, doesn't want to pay for groceries. Feels we're unfair to her to ask. Are we?
I have a friend who has been my BFF since we were 15. In the past couple of months she's been coming to my house to eat because there's never food at her house. She doesn't buy food, even though she works, because her family will eat it up and leave her nothing, yet they make no effort to pay for food for everyone there. She lives in the house she grew up in, with her brother, his wife and son, and a family friend. They'll buy food for themselves, or their son, but not everyone, so it's weird.
Anyway, since there's rarely food at her house to eat, she's been eating food here at my house. I want to stress that I take care of my mother and nephew. My nephew is mentally challenged and needs caretaking, and my mother has Emphysema and COPD, is on oxygen and nebulizer treatments and her lungs are so bad she can barely bathe herself (sometimes I have to help her), so I'm the one who has to run the house and take care of things, including buying groceries.
Now, I don't mind my friend eating here at all. I know she has no food at her house. However, my mother started getting annoyed that my friend was getting bolder and bolder by just getting into the fridge whenever she wanted, and joining us at meals, etc, without ever offering to put anything on the bill. So, mother told my friend, let's call her T, that she didn't mind if T ate here, just as long as she started putting money on the grocery bill.
T didn't say anything, but she told me a couple of days later that she was annoyed with mother for saying anything, because the only reason she eats at our house is because she has no food at her own house. I tried to explain that her reasons for eating at our house so much weren't the issue, it was that we were already struggling to keep food in the house, and we couldn't afford to feed her every day. Since she works, why not put some money on the groceries? T still thinks we're being unfair to her. Are we? She said she was never eating at our house again, and she said it in a way that clearly conveyed she was pissed off and offended.
So, are we being unfair to T?
Anyway, since there's rarely food at her house to eat, she's been eating food here at my house. I want to stress that I take care of my mother and nephew. My nephew is mentally challenged and needs caretaking, and my mother has Emphysema and COPD, is on oxygen and nebulizer treatments and her lungs are so bad she can barely bathe herself (sometimes I have to help her), so I'm the one who has to run the house and take care of things, including buying groceries.
Now, I don't mind my friend eating here at all. I know she has no food at her house. However, my mother started getting annoyed that my friend was getting bolder and bolder by just getting into the fridge whenever she wanted, and joining us at meals, etc, without ever offering to put anything on the bill. So, mother told my friend, let's call her T, that she didn't mind if T ate here, just as long as she started putting money on the grocery bill.
T didn't say anything, but she told me a couple of days later that she was annoyed with mother for saying anything, because the only reason she eats at our house is because she has no food at her own house. I tried to explain that her reasons for eating at our house so much weren't the issue, it was that we were already struggling to keep food in the house, and we couldn't afford to feed her every day. Since she works, why not put some money on the groceries? T still thinks we're being unfair to her. Are we? She said she was never eating at our house again, and she said it in a way that clearly conveyed she was pissed off and offended.
So, are we being unfair to T?
14