What is the best way to react to a spouse who "assigns" bad intent to something you have done?

A typical example just occurred: I drive hours to help him out. When I pick him up, I start to take an exit and he tells me to continue on, but I let him know that I have seen a sign indicating our direction. Then, he retracts and tells me to take the exit, but I can't because the time is too short to do it safely. His reaction is that I purposely didn't take the road in order to stress him out. This scenario repeats itself constantly. I explain that I have happily gone out of my way to pick him up, so it wouldn't even make sense that I would be trying to cause him stress. but, ALL his problems, I am told, are a direct result of my "misbehavior." The cumulative effect is that when I tell him it would be good to use the words "I love you" between us and how much good this would do for the children as well to hear from us (hoping words could help change relationship), his response is: "WE could love you if you didn't make yourself so deterring." By constantly assigning me blame for everything that happens, I am then being told I am a bad person. Keep in mind, he can be generous, kind, and behave lovingly on his own timetable and terms. I put my heart into making a good marriage and family, so of course, do not cause problems by any bad intent, but problems in life do occur. He feels that because he is still here and puts up with me, works hard to provide for the family and to raise the children, that he is a good father and husband. I also work hard but can't take the bumps out of life. When he is stressed, in particular, I try to support him and give him space, but he decides I, or someone else, is responsible for something so often that it affects daily life. As the children are older now, he also assigns bad behavior to them, then doubles my dose by says they only do whatever they have done because they weren't raised right (again, it is my fault). Dealing with his anger, cold shoulders, yelling and screaming disrupts all of our lives. What is the best immediate response when the he starts blaming?
By boddicka 15 years ago :: Marriage
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