Me vs. His Family (and they're not to blame) What do I do to mend the tears? Your advice please!
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years. Before that, we were good friends for about 2 years. We met at college. Recently, we moved in together. We get along pretty well, but a major bone of contention between the two of us seems to be his family (his parents in particular).
I respect his parents and am kind when I am in their presence. I have made tons of efforts to show him that I respect them and want to make them happy. However, it is getting more and more difficult to "like" them (not becuase they have changed- they actually seem more accepting of our relationship and more nice towards me) but because of the position my boyfriend puts me in in relation to them.
Whenever a trip over to their house comes up, I am pretty open (if I am tired I may shove my heels in the mud or if I have tons of work to do) but I am open. And just to be clear going to their house is not a 3 or 4 hour dinner, it is usually a whole day affair of sitting in the den and watching some sport. Needless to say, I have learned to be open about going.
However, last week (after I agreed to go to his parents on Sunday- even though I had a lot of work to do) I was put in a very bad position. My boyfriend had so kindly decided on his own that we would go to his parents house after the 1pm football game instead of prior to. I thought this was a very nice act.
But, when 4pm rolled around I jokingly (we have very good senses of humor and often kid around)looked at my boyfriend and said "I think I am not going to go...I have too much work." To this, his reply was, "Are you kidding me? Why didn't you tell me! I could have gone over earlier! I can't believe you!"(All in a stern voice). He went on to say," My dad would have loved that!" Now he is getting really mad. I yelled back, "Are you serious! I am getting yelled at because you decided on your own to wait for me."
He then went on to call me controlling because I didn't let him go watch the game with his dad. Now, this is where my bad feelings come in. I feel as though my boyfriend's eagerness to jump all over me for his parents' sake creates a negative dynamic between me and his family. Therefore, my will for going somewhere and sitting down in discomfort has slightly dissipated. But, this is not the end.
He called me again today and asked that we spend time at his parents on Saturday (yes, less than a week later) at his parents' for a football game. I don't want to go. I don't want to be faced with my own inferiority within our relationship- especially on a weekend when I have time to finally relax! This, has caused major ripples in our calm wading pool that we have managed to maintain for four days now. PLEASE HELP!
I respect his parents and am kind when I am in their presence. I have made tons of efforts to show him that I respect them and want to make them happy. However, it is getting more and more difficult to "like" them (not becuase they have changed- they actually seem more accepting of our relationship and more nice towards me) but because of the position my boyfriend puts me in in relation to them.
Whenever a trip over to their house comes up, I am pretty open (if I am tired I may shove my heels in the mud or if I have tons of work to do) but I am open. And just to be clear going to their house is not a 3 or 4 hour dinner, it is usually a whole day affair of sitting in the den and watching some sport. Needless to say, I have learned to be open about going.
However, last week (after I agreed to go to his parents on Sunday- even though I had a lot of work to do) I was put in a very bad position. My boyfriend had so kindly decided on his own that we would go to his parents house after the 1pm football game instead of prior to. I thought this was a very nice act.
But, when 4pm rolled around I jokingly (we have very good senses of humor and often kid around)looked at my boyfriend and said "I think I am not going to go...I have too much work." To this, his reply was, "Are you kidding me? Why didn't you tell me! I could have gone over earlier! I can't believe you!"(All in a stern voice). He went on to say," My dad would have loved that!" Now he is getting really mad. I yelled back, "Are you serious! I am getting yelled at because you decided on your own to wait for me."
He then went on to call me controlling because I didn't let him go watch the game with his dad. Now, this is where my bad feelings come in. I feel as though my boyfriend's eagerness to jump all over me for his parents' sake creates a negative dynamic between me and his family. Therefore, my will for going somewhere and sitting down in discomfort has slightly dissipated. But, this is not the end.
He called me again today and asked that we spend time at his parents on Saturday (yes, less than a week later) at his parents' for a football game. I don't want to go. I don't want to be faced with my own inferiority within our relationship- especially on a weekend when I have time to finally relax! This, has caused major ripples in our calm wading pool that we have managed to maintain for four days now. PLEASE HELP!
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