Is it possible for a "step"-parent to punish both biological children and "step"-children in an unbiased way?
My husband and I are happily married, seriously, for 10 years. The only times we argue are about either money or children. Big surprise, right? We have 3 children, "mine" is 23 year old girl, living at home, working full time, and in college. Always a straight A or high B student. "His" is a 15 year old boy, C and
D student, unless we use missing football as a tool to guide him to better grades. He has always gone to school, because he loves the social aspect (of which my husband and I both agree), and only misses when he is really sick. Going back a few years, when "mine" would miss a day, it was generally because she just didn't want to go (again, we don't disagree with this point). When she would miss school, my husband would insist on rules: no anything, including phone, internet, tv, whatever. "His" has missed school for 3 days, this being the 3rd day. Yesterday, as my husband was home, "he" was allowed on the computer all day, because my husband felt bad that he "was stuck in his room so much". Today my husband had to work. I'm an at home mom. "He" asked if he could go on the computer, and I told him I didn't think it was right since he was home sick. No argument, it was fine. Tonight, the rest of the family (including the "ours", which doesn't come into play in this scenario) went to a local parade. When we got home, I went online to a popular networking site (which my son and I are "friends" on), and saw that "he" had been online while we were gone. I did get angry, but spent some time before going upstairs to my husband and identified my feelings. I was upset, disappointed, and my feelings were hurt. My husband asked me if something was wrong, and I told him of my feelings. When he asked why, I explained that I was upset that our son was on the computer tonight, after our conversation today. I asked my husband what the punishment had been for "mine" when she missed school. He immediately responded almost verbatim the above referenced rules. Then he continued to justify not applying those same rules to "the boy" because he was truly sick, as opposed to "the girl" because she missed for no reason. I responded that "she" maintained her grades even when she didn't go to school, while "he" can't maintain his grades by almost always attending school.
This is a small example of the many issues in our arguments about the children, but it is specific and a very good example. Any advice?????
D student, unless we use missing football as a tool to guide him to better grades. He has always gone to school, because he loves the social aspect (of which my husband and I both agree), and only misses when he is really sick. Going back a few years, when "mine" would miss a day, it was generally because she just didn't want to go (again, we don't disagree with this point). When she would miss school, my husband would insist on rules: no anything, including phone, internet, tv, whatever. "His" has missed school for 3 days, this being the 3rd day. Yesterday, as my husband was home, "he" was allowed on the computer all day, because my husband felt bad that he "was stuck in his room so much". Today my husband had to work. I'm an at home mom. "He" asked if he could go on the computer, and I told him I didn't think it was right since he was home sick. No argument, it was fine. Tonight, the rest of the family (including the "ours", which doesn't come into play in this scenario) went to a local parade. When we got home, I went online to a popular networking site (which my son and I are "friends" on), and saw that "he" had been online while we were gone. I did get angry, but spent some time before going upstairs to my husband and identified my feelings. I was upset, disappointed, and my feelings were hurt. My husband asked me if something was wrong, and I told him of my feelings. When he asked why, I explained that I was upset that our son was on the computer tonight, after our conversation today. I asked my husband what the punishment had been for "mine" when she missed school. He immediately responded almost verbatim the above referenced rules. Then he continued to justify not applying those same rules to "the boy" because he was truly sick, as opposed to "the girl" because she missed for no reason. I responded that "she" maintained her grades even when she didn't go to school, while "he" can't maintain his grades by almost always attending school.
This is a small example of the many issues in our arguments about the children, but it is specific and a very good example. Any advice?????
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