Am I wrong here? Long story!
I have been married since 2001 and together with my husband since 1993. I have always been close to his mother. My MIL was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in 2004 and I was her primary care giver and health care surrogate.. She lived in our home and I made all her health care decisions and doctors appointments. I knew her case well, applied for all the social security and disability benefits she was entitled to and met with her drs and nurses. I sat her down with my husband and his sister to go over all the final details well in advance to her death (her new husband chose to stay out of that discussion.) I drove her to drs appointments and basically met all her needs.
In 2008 My husband and I had a falling out. All blame aside we decided to file for divorce. My MIL moved out and I no longer had any say in her health care. That was left up to my husband and my MILs husband. I offered to keep doing what I was doing but my husband refused to let me. 6 months later I got an email from my MILs husband saying she was not doing very well and asked for my help. I went to her right away. The cancer had spread to her spine and I was all of a sudden in charge again. I made all the decisions. My husband thanked me for all I was doing. I set up for her to move back home with hospice care. When it came down to the day she was dying I brought our three kids over and we sat with her. Just like she wanted. My husband was there as well. I attempted to offer him support by talking to him but then he asked if it was ok if his gf came over. Him and his gf have only been dating about 6 months at this point. I said no, I didn't think it was appropriate and definately not what his mother would want. He argued that he needed the emotional support. I don't think her death was a spectator sport so I again said I didn't think she would be comfortable with a stranger seeing her that way. He got angry and left. An hour later his mom passed away. He never asked how the kids were doing and they were right there the whole time.
My question is...Was I wrong? Should I have let his gf come over even when I knew that his mother only wanted to be surrounded by family? Does she not have a right to her dignity?
(Side note)
My husband had brought his gf over before to meet my MIL. However my FIL says she didn't care for the new gf and the whole time my husband and new gf were playing grab-ass on the living room floor until my fil had to ask them to leave because it made him uncomfortable.
In 2008 My husband and I had a falling out. All blame aside we decided to file for divorce. My MIL moved out and I no longer had any say in her health care. That was left up to my husband and my MILs husband. I offered to keep doing what I was doing but my husband refused to let me. 6 months later I got an email from my MILs husband saying she was not doing very well and asked for my help. I went to her right away. The cancer had spread to her spine and I was all of a sudden in charge again. I made all the decisions. My husband thanked me for all I was doing. I set up for her to move back home with hospice care. When it came down to the day she was dying I brought our three kids over and we sat with her. Just like she wanted. My husband was there as well. I attempted to offer him support by talking to him but then he asked if it was ok if his gf came over. Him and his gf have only been dating about 6 months at this point. I said no, I didn't think it was appropriate and definately not what his mother would want. He argued that he needed the emotional support. I don't think her death was a spectator sport so I again said I didn't think she would be comfortable with a stranger seeing her that way. He got angry and left. An hour later his mom passed away. He never asked how the kids were doing and they were right there the whole time.
My question is...Was I wrong? Should I have let his gf come over even when I knew that his mother only wanted to be surrounded by family? Does she not have a right to her dignity?
(Side note)
My husband had brought his gf over before to meet my MIL. However my FIL says she didn't care for the new gf and the whole time my husband and new gf were playing grab-ass on the living room floor until my fil had to ask them to leave because it made him uncomfortable.
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