Is my reaction normal?
My husband and I have been married over 20 years and have two teenagers. We love each other and have had a great life and have many plans for our future.
Up until two months ago, our only problems were that his job is very stressful,he works long hours and travels a lot, and like many men his age (late forties) erectile dysfunction had dampened our sex life.
I felt we were coping as well as we could with these problems. I give him the time and space he needs to decompress after work, and I'd adjusted my expectations as far as the E.D was concerned. I wanted to make sure I wasn't the cause of the E.D, so I stay in shape and try to look attractive. We were only having sex a couple of times of month, but I love him and was willing to live with it.
Here's the problem, two months ago I found out he'd been looking at porn on the internet. I was absolutely shattered. It was the last thing I'd expected and I felt incredibly foolish, old and pathetic because although I look good for my age, there's no way I can compete with a twenty year old.
He's apologized, eventually honestly disclosed how long he'd been doing this for (4 years) and after seeing I was ready to walk out, promised not to lie or return to porn because I was so hurt by it. I believe him (and have learned how to retrieve deleted URLs I'm ashamed to say)
A part of me knows I'm over reacting, and even though I understand why and have forgiven him, the hurt won't go away and I'm still considering ending our marriage. I guess I need some fresh perspective here.
Up until two months ago, our only problems were that his job is very stressful,he works long hours and travels a lot, and like many men his age (late forties) erectile dysfunction had dampened our sex life.
I felt we were coping as well as we could with these problems. I give him the time and space he needs to decompress after work, and I'd adjusted my expectations as far as the E.D was concerned. I wanted to make sure I wasn't the cause of the E.D, so I stay in shape and try to look attractive. We were only having sex a couple of times of month, but I love him and was willing to live with it.
Here's the problem, two months ago I found out he'd been looking at porn on the internet. I was absolutely shattered. It was the last thing I'd expected and I felt incredibly foolish, old and pathetic because although I look good for my age, there's no way I can compete with a twenty year old.
He's apologized, eventually honestly disclosed how long he'd been doing this for (4 years) and after seeing I was ready to walk out, promised not to lie or return to porn because I was so hurt by it. I believe him (and have learned how to retrieve deleted URLs I'm ashamed to say)
A part of me knows I'm over reacting, and even though I understand why and have forgiven him, the hurt won't go away and I'm still considering ending our marriage. I guess I need some fresh perspective here.
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