What do I do about insane mother in-law?
Take a gander at this email sent to my wife from her mother. We were taking a week vacation to Florida and she apparently objected: (names changed)
Mary-- I know that you are upset with me because I do not approve of traveling such a long distance with a baby. Although there is nothing I can do and it isn't my baby, I would tell ANY mother the same thing I am telling you. As a grandparent I have major concerns and while all I can do is express them, I intend on doing just that--
First of all good parenting is more than changing diapers and feeding-- it is making sacrifices for the baby, not the reverse!! Fathers tend to be worse at making adjustments or sacrifices because they haven't had any physical, emotional, or social changes since conception-- they have done absolutely no sacrificing of any kind and can step in and out of the pleasure times with a baby whenever they desire. It is an unfair situation but that is why there are MOTHERS! It is the MOTHERS job to be the first and foremost caretaker of a baby. They are to nurture, provide and PROTECT the infant from any discomfort or harm. I think you can see where I'm going with this and it makes me very angry that Dave manipulates you in an abusive manner that also affects not only you but now also your baby! A 3 month old baby is not something you stick in a car seat and stop a few times on a 2 day journey (one way!) It is cruel and hurtful to even your child's most important developing feature, the backbone. 36 hour car ride is abusive!!
This trip is a totally unnecessary thing and should be the last thing on your mind at this point. Getting the baby on a routine and schedule should be what you are working towards! The problem is that neither of you can stand to be in the house you live in and so you both will do ANYTHING rather than begin a life as a family, making sacrifices, and adjusting to the baby needs of your infant. I know now why you called me the other night complaining about Dave--- he wanted to go on this trip, you knew better and didn't want to go so he was doing what he always does when he doesn't get what HE wants-- he sulks, ignores, gives you a hard time, won't help, and is mean UNTIL you give in which is always 100% of the time! He just knows not to give up until you weaken which you always do. I also now realize why there was such interest by him in getting another car originally-- it wasn't about you and the baby, it was about him and his wants and plans for a trip. He didn't have the money for that either but thank God for mommy and daddy to come to his rescue. He can't even do his own family something without a motive for own gratification. 33 years old and still relying on parents for social, and financial needs. I suppose that is the biggest difference in the two of you, we raised you kids to be independent while his family raised theirs to be dependent and needy upon them. How sad and I strongly suggest you raise Audrey to be a whole person on her own and teach her to be self sufficient or else be a pathetic 33 year old needing you for even transportation.
I think that you married Bob [Dave's dad] as much as you married Dave-- he only knows what to do mimicking his father. He even takes the same vacation, and summer routine as his father. It is also sad that you can't even do a family thing without the Connely's [Dave's family] being totally involved-- their place, their car, and God knows what else or what you will be indebted for because of your using them-- you better say thank you and kiss their ass or you be scolded on top of it. This is the exact same things that you have ridiculed Trisha and Bill [Dave's sister in-law and brother] for and yet you do the exact same things-- including using their condo when they are away. Considering Dave took $500 from his infant daughter at birth, obviously this isn't a time to put out money for a trip (gas and food is not cheap on a trip). Was the bargaining (manipulating) tool to you a trip to see your friend OR was it just a place to use for an overnight? I would hope not, because to go to a friends house with a 3 month old baby for any length of time would just plain be RUDE and I can guarantee you unwanted by host!
As a grandparent, there is certainly good reason to be concerned-- what happened if there was an accident? What if's are all over the place in my head right now because to my knowledge neither of you have gotten your lives in order enough since the birth of this baby and now you are putting your baby at risk in another aspect. Who are the guardians in case of death? What if something happened to either one of you but not the other--- where would that leave YOU if something happened to Dave? Without a roof over your head and a small amt. of money that would last maybe a year? (and the supposed insurance policy was only verbal, did you ever see it?) What if something happened to YOU-- would we ever see our grandchild again? Seriously would we?? Take a look at the pictures and videos (you tubes even) you have of the baby thus far---Would we even be recognized or acknowledged?? Would you trust Trisha or Bill to write YOU a Will? I think not considering all the lying, deceiving, and manipulating to their benefit they have all done repeatedly. You need to do your dealings with someone OUTSIDE of HIS family!! Yes- things could happen just going to a grocery store but even you should realize that traveling such a long distance puts the odds at greater risks. It isn't just about you and Dave anymore, your interests should be April [Dave/Mary's daughter] front and foremost!
So-- if you want to be angry with me-- at least now you know the reasons why I feel the way I do! Remember YOU are the MOTHER!! April needs YOU far more than she needs him so start acting like her mother instead of an abused manipulated wife.
Mom
Mary-- I know that you are upset with me because I do not approve of traveling such a long distance with a baby. Although there is nothing I can do and it isn't my baby, I would tell ANY mother the same thing I am telling you. As a grandparent I have major concerns and while all I can do is express them, I intend on doing just that--
First of all good parenting is more than changing diapers and feeding-- it is making sacrifices for the baby, not the reverse!! Fathers tend to be worse at making adjustments or sacrifices because they haven't had any physical, emotional, or social changes since conception-- they have done absolutely no sacrificing of any kind and can step in and out of the pleasure times with a baby whenever they desire. It is an unfair situation but that is why there are MOTHERS! It is the MOTHERS job to be the first and foremost caretaker of a baby. They are to nurture, provide and PROTECT the infant from any discomfort or harm. I think you can see where I'm going with this and it makes me very angry that Dave manipulates you in an abusive manner that also affects not only you but now also your baby! A 3 month old baby is not something you stick in a car seat and stop a few times on a 2 day journey (one way!) It is cruel and hurtful to even your child's most important developing feature, the backbone. 36 hour car ride is abusive!!
This trip is a totally unnecessary thing and should be the last thing on your mind at this point. Getting the baby on a routine and schedule should be what you are working towards! The problem is that neither of you can stand to be in the house you live in and so you both will do ANYTHING rather than begin a life as a family, making sacrifices, and adjusting to the baby needs of your infant. I know now why you called me the other night complaining about Dave--- he wanted to go on this trip, you knew better and didn't want to go so he was doing what he always does when he doesn't get what HE wants-- he sulks, ignores, gives you a hard time, won't help, and is mean UNTIL you give in which is always 100% of the time! He just knows not to give up until you weaken which you always do. I also now realize why there was such interest by him in getting another car originally-- it wasn't about you and the baby, it was about him and his wants and plans for a trip. He didn't have the money for that either but thank God for mommy and daddy to come to his rescue. He can't even do his own family something without a motive for own gratification. 33 years old and still relying on parents for social, and financial needs. I suppose that is the biggest difference in the two of you, we raised you kids to be independent while his family raised theirs to be dependent and needy upon them. How sad and I strongly suggest you raise Audrey to be a whole person on her own and teach her to be self sufficient or else be a pathetic 33 year old needing you for even transportation.
I think that you married Bob [Dave's dad] as much as you married Dave-- he only knows what to do mimicking his father. He even takes the same vacation, and summer routine as his father. It is also sad that you can't even do a family thing without the Connely's [Dave's family] being totally involved-- their place, their car, and God knows what else or what you will be indebted for because of your using them-- you better say thank you and kiss their ass or you be scolded on top of it. This is the exact same things that you have ridiculed Trisha and Bill [Dave's sister in-law and brother] for and yet you do the exact same things-- including using their condo when they are away. Considering Dave took $500 from his infant daughter at birth, obviously this isn't a time to put out money for a trip (gas and food is not cheap on a trip). Was the bargaining (manipulating) tool to you a trip to see your friend OR was it just a place to use for an overnight? I would hope not, because to go to a friends house with a 3 month old baby for any length of time would just plain be RUDE and I can guarantee you unwanted by host!
As a grandparent, there is certainly good reason to be concerned-- what happened if there was an accident? What if's are all over the place in my head right now because to my knowledge neither of you have gotten your lives in order enough since the birth of this baby and now you are putting your baby at risk in another aspect. Who are the guardians in case of death? What if something happened to either one of you but not the other--- where would that leave YOU if something happened to Dave? Without a roof over your head and a small amt. of money that would last maybe a year? (and the supposed insurance policy was only verbal, did you ever see it?) What if something happened to YOU-- would we ever see our grandchild again? Seriously would we?? Take a look at the pictures and videos (you tubes even) you have of the baby thus far---Would we even be recognized or acknowledged?? Would you trust Trisha or Bill to write YOU a Will? I think not considering all the lying, deceiving, and manipulating to their benefit they have all done repeatedly. You need to do your dealings with someone OUTSIDE of HIS family!! Yes- things could happen just going to a grocery store but even you should realize that traveling such a long distance puts the odds at greater risks. It isn't just about you and Dave anymore, your interests should be April [Dave/Mary's daughter] front and foremost!
So-- if you want to be angry with me-- at least now you know the reasons why I feel the way I do! Remember YOU are the MOTHER!! April needs YOU far more than she needs him so start acting like her mother instead of an abused manipulated wife.
Mom
15