How can i get him to stop the guilt trips?

Last august i realized that my marriage was going down hill, he was almost completely disconnected with me and to top it off he left for a deployment. so while he was away he told me that he wasnt sure if he was in love with me anymore and kept bringing up conversations on what would happen should our relationship not work out. i never brought those conversations up or wanted to talk about them and when i did, they brought me to tears. so after 2 months of these conversations i started to question my love for him and i pretty much concluded that maybe i wasnt in love with him either. it probably didnt help that i was reconnected with an ex who proclaimed his love for me. i did however stop talking to him when our conversations turn towards emotional affairs sounding. so in october i let my husband know that maybe a seperation was in our best interest, he was still deployed at the time and to be honest i really didnt want to tell him that while he was there but he demanded to know where i was in the relationship. then his attitude changed, all of the sudden he decides that he's in love with me again. then to add to all this the worst thing that could ever possibly happen (besides death) happened. nov 1, i found out my teenage brother molested my 3 yo daughter. my husband was immediatly brought home. i myself was molested as a child and this problem open up old wounds and severly exacerbated my depression, for which i am now getting therapy and medication for. because of my depression, what happened to my daughter, and what was happening with us before, i am completely discusted with sex. then a couple weeks ago he completely distroyed my sence of privacy by reading my journal which explained that i still had feelings for my ex but somehow didnt read that part that i would never act on them and the only reason i had feelings was because i was having marital issues. i promise i'm completely over him. anyways, he tells me that he forgives me and that he wants to make us work but i cant get over all the other crap he put me through, i do however call the seperation off. i forgot to mention that he is a controll freak and frequently manipulates me and i tolerate it for my children's sake. anyway, back to my issue. i'm completely discusted with sex to that point that any kiss (no toungue) more than 3 seconds and i'm very uncomfortable. i dont let him see me naked and i dont want him touching me but he's all over me knowing that it makes me uncomfortable. when i do kiss him he tries to hold my head there so i'm forced to kiss him longer or he'll try to open mouth kiss me. then every couple days he'll put me on a complete guilt trip cuz the way i'm acting must mean that i dont love him, his words. i'm so sick of the guilt, and the manipulation and the stress its causing that i'm ready to call our marriage quits. we've had counceling and he has not changed his ways. i know this is only one side of the story but does it seem i'm in the wrong? and what should i say to him to get him to understand that i am damaged and may not be repaired for a very long time, reguardless of any feelings i have for anyone? maybe i'm really not in love with him anymore...
By hutchnickel 15 years ago :: Marriage
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