What do I do to get through to my teenage daughter!?

Since my daughter turned 13 she has increasingly become more defiant, beligerent and disrespectful. In the last 4 months she has run away 3 times. She constantly talks to me disrespectfully and she has escalated to cursing at me. She doesn't talk disrespectfully to her father but she is defiant and often does what she wants such as walks out of the house without asking, not obeying curfew, lying, stealing, cutting school! If I confront her about her misbehavior, things escalate into an argument which she always seems to engage first, if my husband confronts her, she answers his questions or sits and listens but her body language and demeaner is clearly unyielding and she acts like she doesn't care!
Last night, for the second time, my husband out of anger got into a confrontation with her! She walked out the house not communicating with either my husband or me. She left around 2pm and didn't come back until 10pm. Her excuse was that she went to apply for a job at the library (on a sunday?!). My husband got angry because she responded with apathy and disrespect. Before I knew it, they were cursing at each other and he had her against the wall and they were tussling with each other on the ground. This wasn't the first confrontation, the first time he slapped her in the mouth twice because she kept mouthing off to him after she refused to tell her friends to leave after we told her that she was not allowed to have company.
I don't agree with his anger. You should never discipline your child when angry. But she pushes both our buttons! I have to admit that I am a little afraid of my daughter. She has pushed me and snatched things out of my hands. I just can't see myself getting into a fight with my own daughter.
We've tried intervention, therapy, even drug tested her. We've talked to law enforcement, guidance counselors and social workers at her school. She just seems determined to do what she wants. Last night she said she wasn't a little girl and she could do what she wanted to. After the altercation, she said she had a gun hidden in the bushes and that she would shoot her father or get some off her homies to do it!
She feels I defend her father. I don't but I do stand unified with him about our expectations of her behavior and how we expect her to give respect!
I'm at my wits end! I hate to admit it but there are times, I wish someone would intervene and take her somewhere where she can get some help! Short of giving up my parental rights and putting her in the system, I feel like my home is being held hostage by her negative behavior.
Im not a bad parent. I've worked several jobs to keep a roof over her head and food in her stomach! She comes from a two parent home and often had better than most of her friends. I've worn shoes with hole in the bottom just to be able to afford to buy her new shoes! Yes, I admit that I may have asked more from her at times because that was what was needed. But in a family, everyone helps! Shes always been allowed to be a kid and all I have asked is that she respect our home and our rules, go to school, get good grades and do her chores!
By motivatedmom6 15 years ago :: Parent/Child
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