Should this still be bothering me? Am I overreacting? Long read
Sorry about the length guys, I just want to give some background info. I'm married to a great guy, have been friends for 6 years, 4 of which we were a couple and married for a little over 1. We have no kids together yet, but he has a young child with an ex-girlfriend. He sees his kid every other weekend.
During our first Christmas as a couple, I was driving home from down south which is where i lived temporarily at the time. We decided since I wasn't getting in until late and I still had to spend time with my family that we would just see each other the next day. He was texting me the whole day, telling me he loved and missed me. He also said that he had spent the night at his mother's on Christmas Eve and was spending Christmas day with her and that his daughter was going to go there and open presents that afternoon.
Sooooooo, I figured that that's what really happened. I trusted him, never really put much thought into it being anything different. Until....
One day we were cleaning out our closet, in an attempt to de-clutter. He took out his locked brief case and started going through that. I noticed he had a tape from our video camera in there. Thinking it was odd that he had a tape in a locked brief case, I asked him what it was of. He told me that it was a tape of his kid's first Christmas. Okay, no problem, seemed like a viable answer. I said, I've never seen it before, why didn't we watch it? He went on and on about how he didn't know where the charger was for the camera and attempted to lock it back up.I told him to keep it out and i'd find the charger. Thinking this was odd, I later found the charger for the camera, and put in the tape. To my surprise, it was a video of his kid and his ex-gf Christmas morning at her house the first Christmas we were together, which he had told me he had spent at his mother's house. Through the tape, he spent just as much solo camera time on his ex as he did his kid. Also, the video went from his ex-gf's house to HER mother's house and he got the ex presents, taped her opening them and commented things like " i know how my sweet baby likes...." and "let me see my honey's face" while he was doing a close up on her.
Needless to say, I was furious. I couldn't believe that while he was talking to me x-mas morning he was on his way to see her and that when he was texting me sweet things, he was saying them to her as well. When I confronted him about it, he first denied it, until I actually pointed out the date on the video. He turned it into "well I did it for my kid thing....I just wanted her to see that her parents got along...." blah blah blah, trying to make me look like the a$%hole for getting upset. I almost left him over it, but we worked through it, at the time I saw the video we were enganged to get married. But, from time to time I still think about it, and it still pops in my head and gets me really upset. So much so sometimes that I just don't want to be around him when it's on my mind. If I bring it up, he tells me to stop bringing up the past. I'm afraid this is something I might not be able to forget about over 2 years later. Should this still bother me from time to time?
During our first Christmas as a couple, I was driving home from down south which is where i lived temporarily at the time. We decided since I wasn't getting in until late and I still had to spend time with my family that we would just see each other the next day. He was texting me the whole day, telling me he loved and missed me. He also said that he had spent the night at his mother's on Christmas Eve and was spending Christmas day with her and that his daughter was going to go there and open presents that afternoon.
Sooooooo, I figured that that's what really happened. I trusted him, never really put much thought into it being anything different. Until....
One day we were cleaning out our closet, in an attempt to de-clutter. He took out his locked brief case and started going through that. I noticed he had a tape from our video camera in there. Thinking it was odd that he had a tape in a locked brief case, I asked him what it was of. He told me that it was a tape of his kid's first Christmas. Okay, no problem, seemed like a viable answer. I said, I've never seen it before, why didn't we watch it? He went on and on about how he didn't know where the charger was for the camera and attempted to lock it back up.I told him to keep it out and i'd find the charger. Thinking this was odd, I later found the charger for the camera, and put in the tape. To my surprise, it was a video of his kid and his ex-gf Christmas morning at her house the first Christmas we were together, which he had told me he had spent at his mother's house. Through the tape, he spent just as much solo camera time on his ex as he did his kid. Also, the video went from his ex-gf's house to HER mother's house and he got the ex presents, taped her opening them and commented things like " i know how my sweet baby likes...." and "let me see my honey's face" while he was doing a close up on her.
Needless to say, I was furious. I couldn't believe that while he was talking to me x-mas morning he was on his way to see her and that when he was texting me sweet things, he was saying them to her as well. When I confronted him about it, he first denied it, until I actually pointed out the date on the video. He turned it into "well I did it for my kid thing....I just wanted her to see that her parents got along...." blah blah blah, trying to make me look like the a$%hole for getting upset. I almost left him over it, but we worked through it, at the time I saw the video we were enganged to get married. But, from time to time I still think about it, and it still pops in my head and gets me really upset. So much so sometimes that I just don't want to be around him when it's on my mind. If I bring it up, he tells me to stop bringing up the past. I'm afraid this is something I might not be able to forget about over 2 years later. Should this still bother me from time to time?
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