Brother in-law has ruined my marriage

My husband and I allowed my brother in-law to move in with us to help him out. The cost of living where he lived was high and although he was working a full time job he was only able to afford an expensive dingy apartment. He never had a car and took public transportation. We knew that if he moved where we live it would much easier to be able to have a car and own a home. Well that was 7 years ago!

He does pay us rent but there were some minor rules we asked him to follow and that was to clean up after himself and help out here or there. Well he does the complete opposite. His room is an absolute pigsty. There is a hideous smell that permeates the entire upstairs portion of our home. It comes from his dirty clothes. He hadn't done laundry in close to a year, although, he claims he does a load here or there. He still sleeps on the same sheets, and no lie, that haven't been changed in over a year. I don't think he has taken the trash out from his room in months. He has little grocery bags that are full hanging on the door knobs and a large overstuffed trash can without a bag that can't handle anymore trash. The dust is just horrendous. There is so much stuff on the floor that there is no way a vacuum could even be used.

One time I went into his bathroom and there was actually mold growing inside the toilet bowl. I told him that I don't expect perfection but that I will not allow mold to grow in my home.

He tries to avoid me (I assume because he can't stand me) and barely speaks to me. He sneaks in and out of the house trying not to be seen. If we do happen to cross paths, he will go the other way to avoid me or on occassion mumbled something and run off. Which I am glad for, but why the awkward situations everytime?

Unlike the agreement we had from the beginning, he hasn't saved one penny. He eats out 90% of the time. He buys frivilous items, such as video games, jerseys, whatever... and for some unknown reason stopped paying his bills. He has creditors calling our house and certified letters being delivered. Currently, one company is garnishing his wages from his paycheck. I am not exactly thrilled with this because now he has ruined his credit. He will never be able to buy a house or get an apartment now.

He is 40 years old and has never been married and has no children. He has had 2 girlfriends in the past 7 years, with one lasting less than a year and one lasting less than a month. He is currently "talking" to a girl he met on the internet that lives 350 miles away.

I have said stuff to him about his cleanliness and his spending habits. I have asked my husband to help me get this through his head. My husband always tells me that he is going to say something to him, but nothing changes so I am assuming he is dismissing my feelings.

The final straw was when I came home from work on Monday and my brother in-law was downstairs on the couch (I came home 20 minutes earlier than normal) and he got up and went around the other room to go upstairs.

I told my husband what happened and that I had been dealing with this for 7 years and I am not looking forward to the rest of my life with this man living with us, as it obviously doesn't seem like he'll ever leave. He has too many weirdnesses about him that I cannot deal with any longer. We've tried to help him out but this has gone beyond taking advantage. My husband got mad at me because he thinks that I am making him choose sides. Well I am!

He chose his brother! So, I moved out!

This is not exactly the way I thought my marriage would end. I love my husband but I want his brother out of my life. Is our 20 year marriage really over?
By cici 14 years ago :: Marriage
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