Is it okay to ask my husband to not be friends with a man who I think is very selfish and a cheat?

I know it doesn't seem cool for a wife to restrict her husband's friends. I have never felt this way towards any of my husband's friends. So, after 10 years of marriage, this is the first time I have felt so strongly negative about one of his friends.

We moved to another state a few years ago, and my husband doesn't have many friends. He has a group of men that he sees three times a week for religious services, and he enjoys their company. Other than that, he has just one friend in the neighborhood. Also, my husband studies very hard to further his career and he has limited time to socialize.

My 9 yo daughter has a friend, Sarah. Her mom and dad, Jane and Barry divorced a few years ago. A year before Jane filed for divorced, Barry took out a 300,000 second mortgage on their beautiful house and never paid the mortgage. (It eventually foreclosed) His business was and still is going down hill. My guess is that he took out the mortgage knowing that he didn't have to pay it back, and the money afforded him to maintain his lifestyle and remain living in the lovely house. Well, Jane divorced him I guess because she didn't like living with a man who committed fraud. A year before Jane's file for divorce, her best friend Susan and Susan's 6 year old daughter visited with Jane and Barry on weekends. Susan was getting a divorce and Jane felt bad for her. As soon as Jane filed for divorce, Susan and Barry started dating. Three years later, Barry and Susan are getting married.

Needless to say, to this day, Jane cannot be in the same room or within 20 yards of Susan. I don't blame her. What Susan did was a gross betrayal and unforgivable.

The courts forced Barry to pay Jane alimony and child support for his two minor children. Jane was a housewife and full time mom during her 10 year marriage to Barry. For the last 10 months, Barry hasn't paid a cent to Jane. However, during the last 10 months, Barry has traveled to Jamaica, the Bahamas, and Canada with Susan and their respective children.

My husband feels that Barry is very nice, so he wants to be friends with him. I feel that my husband shouldn't consider him a friend. It is okay to see Barry when our daughters get together and have small talk. But, I feel very uncomfortable that my husband would consider socializing with Barry under circumstances not involving a play date with our daughters.

My husband totally disagrees with me. I am very upset. My husband has been very easily influenced by unsavory people early in our marriage. And Barry's morals are very low. Aside from what he did to his wife and the bank who owned his mortgage, he allows his daughters to watch PG-13 movies and my husband and I are against that. Also, our daughter got naked at his house while playing a "game" with his daughter, and now I don't allow our daughter to play at Barry's house anymore.

Am I being too harsh towards my husband?
By scoopie 14 years ago :: Friends
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