What do you do, do you stay and try to make things last- (for your child, for yourself, for your family?)

My gf and I have been together for 5 years, as of (4/6/09). We were engaged from Feb '08- Jan '09 and we have a 13 month old son together. From November '08 through present day we've been on the rocks.

I'll fill you in on some background issues that associate with this entire scenario. For 4 years I was chatting with numerous women, saying all of the wrong things to them, suggesting meetings and sending pictures but never once contacting them through a phone call, but non-the-less being shady in chatting frequently. This lead to my fiance finding out about my behavior more than once. More than a dozen times. Well, more than twice that amount.

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In November or December ('08) she wrote a letter to an old friend's father to get some contact info about the man's son (her old friend; who we'll call Jeff). My fiance was extremely close to Jeff when she was younger, reaching a point that border-lined being in-love (though they'd never actually met. They had a long-distance internet/phone relationship for years).

Jeff's background includes that he lives in the sun belt, on a reservation. He has 3 kids, no job, no vehicle, and his x-wife is in jail for 25 years for distribution & possession.

My fiance is a stay at home mother, and she goes to school p/t. She has no major source of income, other than school grants she has; there is no other income. In light of this, Jeff's family members transferred my fiance money (of course, without my knowing), to purchase a private cell phone for the both of them.

On the 31st of January my fiance's aunt, who lives in San Francisco, has two condos in Oahu, and constantly flies out there to check on her residences. She has accumulated numerous frequent flier miles, and offers my fiance a plane ticker to Maui, with my son, but absolutely no ticket for me..

February 2nd, my fiance leaves to Maui and I rarely hear from her for a week. On the day she returns she tells me that we're breaking up after my son's first birthday . She then goes on to say that the only way she will stay with me is if I let her drive to pick up Jeff (at a location she won't tell me, for numerous days, and the "cherry on top" is that she'll be heading to this undisclosed location with my son.) Which I was offering her to do, I was at a point where I was begging for any kind of information off of her.

The next morning I head back to the room, and find that my, now x-fiance, still sleeping. I walk to her and see a purple motorolla hanging out of her bra (seriously, she kept her private cell in her bra), and as I went to grab it she awoke and immediately went psycho. Her immediate words were, "if you touch me, I'll call the cops".

At this point I asked, blatantly, "you have a private f%$#ing cell phone?!!" To which she replies, "f%$# you, it's not a cell phone." Ten minutes after more arguing I'm finally able to distract her, grab the private cell, and evade her relentless attacks as I run to the bathroom and find myself holding the phone as Jeff begins to call..

I answer the phone; throwing profanities at him relentlessly as I check the phone, and of course, he's hung-up. At this point my psychotic x-fiance is screaming that she's going to call the cops on me because of stolen property.. (Go figure).

We end up melting down, and I move out.. Knowing too familiarly that this situation will end the way my own parents ended. Hating one and another, not talking to one and another, countless court battles, legal battles, visitation rights, lawyers, drama galore.


Through March we tried to work things back out. By the end of March I had come back to staying with my x and my son for a few days of the week. Not moving back in, but not giving up hope.

During the end of March through either April or May, Jeff is in a rehab clinic for his alcohol abuse problem, and he continues to call my x sporadically throughout the week. My x convinces me that she has stopped talking to Jeff, and she promises that it's over between them..

On the morning of the 6th, I am convinced that we can continue to work things out, when this happens:

6 A.M. - My x's cell is ringing beside my head
6:01 A.M. - I answer the phone
6:01:30 A.M. - Jeff hangs up
6:03 A.M. - I pack up, and leave
6:08 A.M. - She has no rebuttal, no comeback, only a disillusioned look as to wonder "why did he call me at 6 AM?"

By Veritablian 15 years ago :: Parenting
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