Should I stick to this realtion or should I step up and move out of such an abusive realtion with my husband?
Please all the readers, before reading my this question, read to my previous question that I had asked few years ago. Reading the old question would allow you to know the whole story .
Ok, her e is the current situation!!!
I am back with the same problem after 7 years of our marriage! Moving seperate from my husband's parents didn't solve any problems. My husband is just very controlling and domenating! He just controlls me for everything! We always have been having issues. And strange thing is my husband and his family don't get along at all either!
On our house it was my husband and my father-in-law's name! About 2 years ago my husband asked his dad to sign the paper to remove his name off of our house and they all got into BIG fight and for money issues they had worst things to say to eachother. It got so bad that my husband ended up in ER!! And my in-laws cut all the relation with us. My husband also didn't wanted to see their face again and was using so much bad language for his parents!! So anyway, we had no relation with my in-laws for 2 years as they had cut all the ties to us. But one day they came back saying they wanted to forget everything and wanted relation back! That was it! My husband was ready to go back like their puppet!! I sure was not ready for any of it . I was very afraid of getting into fights again and either me or my hsuband getting into health problems and even ending in ER! We have two boys ! One from his previous marriage and one together , 10 and 4 respectively. So yes, I was very much afraid of starting relation back. And I had explained my husband what was holding me back! Not only that , my husband's sisters had wrote down very nasty e-mails to my husband abt me!!
But anyway, since my in-laws wanted relation back, my husband wanted to run too. And ultimately we had relation back with them!
One day my husband ended up opening up a face book account and wanted to add his dad as a friend. So I requested him not to do so as at least this was the only place for me to be myslef! If his dad would be my husband's friend, I would have gotten his friend request too which I then would have to accept unless I wanted to get in trouble! Just for my small request,my husband got so mad at me saying so many bad things to me and using *f* words for me. So I told him to do whatever he wanted as I don't like getting into fights. So I gave up as always again but he still had an issue, he left the hosue very early morning while it was snowing very heavy here in Knoxville,Tn. He didn't come back for several hours, I would call him, but he wouldn't pick up my phone, and it went far. Finally he came home in the afternoon. After 1 day, he came to me appologizing for his behaviour. And he said he really loves me and wants to maintain this relation of ours. He promised me never to act like this again. And this is not the first time he had said thigns like this. He has said it several times by now that he really loves me and doesn't want a divorce! But then he is back to his original self!
After his big meltdown , he even said he would like to renew our vows infront of god and we did so! I fell for it , again!!! Life was going very smoothly after that or at least that is what I thought. But one day from no where he started distancing himself from me! And it lasted for days . So finally I asked him if there was anything that he was upset abt! I told him not talking to me is not going to help. If he doesn't tell me, I would not know. But It kept going and going. Only time he was close to me was for sex!! So finally I got tired of it and asked him again, and he said he is not happy with me because I get to talk to my parents regularly and he doesn't have normal relation with his parents! So I told him it was not me who had control over that. It is him and his family who just don't know how to live happily!! So Anyway, I was tired of his nonsense. Even when there was nothing, everything was going so smoothly, he ahd to crearte an issue!I was very very tired of all these.So I asked him if he wanted a divorce! And it went really bad after that. He called one of his co-worker/friend at home and said so many nasty things to him abt me. He even said , I am immature, mentally sick, and he just was very sick of dealing with me.
On the seperate note, during this time, he ended up messsing with my phone lock, and I couldn't call anybody. He deleted several of my contacts. Got into my e-mails and deleted all the nasty e-mails from his parents and sister. Back to the track, one late night, I was working on the computer in the office, I heard a loud strang noise , so I got scared and was calling all three of them, my husband and two of my kids to see if they were all okay and to see what was the sound ! But insted of coming and helping, he came out vedio taping me saying that what was I doing? He said, you are capable of doing anything! What are you upto? And he just started accusing me of doing something. So I sweared on both kids and on god and said I haven't done anything. I am as much afraid as him if not more. But he went and woke both of my kids, told them that I am crazy, and I am going ot kill them! And the whole time he had the video on too. When I tried to hug my kids, he didn't let me touch any one of them, got into car and left the house. I told him not to scared kids like this! I told him it would not be good for any one of my kids. But he did it anyway. He left both the kids somewhere , came back in the subdivision, called the police and created the big drama!!
I was so scared to go into my big house after that loud noise and all that had happened. So I ended up calling my friend from Chattonooga, and they came and pick me up in the middle of the night. After a day,my husband lef tme a voice msg saying he was worried abt me , and he loved me and cared abt me !! He even said him and the kids were misisng me!! He was asking me to go back home!!!
Now the problem is, I have no family in the states. Everyone is back in India or somewhere else!! They all wanted me to go back home , at least for the kids' sake!! And I was already missing both the boys too!! So I came back home!!
It has been 3 months to that incident now, but we still have so many issues coming up b/w us two.
After this whole incident, I have tried to be very open to all of his needs, including getting together with his family even when I felt very uncomfortable!! He still had a fight regards to that with me that why I only wanted to spen 2 to 2and half hours , why not more. I told him to provide me some time, given what jsut had happened, I needed to feel comfortable around them as they were all part of our this ongoign issue! He ultimately did what he wanted to regard to his sister and family.
We had two wedding ceremony , one in India, and one here. So we kind of have two anniversaries!! Both come during the month of April and May. And he forgot both of those!! Which was very hurtful specially when he was aying he is trying hard to improve and he wants this marriage to work!
Now, on the seperate note, while we were having this big fight, he ended up taking one of his female co-worker out for lunch and upon asking he wouldn't tell me for a while. So I had a doubt that he was having an affair with her. So next day he goes to work, told her how I was doubting his and her relation!! He is keep telling me till today , it is just friendship! Yet, they talk abt all of our issues! I have told my husband several times, that his friendship with his female admin is making me very uncomfortable. He told me if that's the case, he doens't care to sustain that friendship with her! he said he will now on only maintain strictly work based relation! Yet they talk abt how I was not happy abt her texting my husband over thsi memorial day weekend at home asking for soem help regards to her tablet!
I am very tired of all this ! Feel like I need to move out of this relation soon. But my family is keep telling me to do it just for kids sake! As if we were to get divorce, kids woudl suffer the most! Which I agree too. But there is no way to satisfy my husband!!
Any help!! Please!!!!
Ok, her e is the current situation!!!
I am back with the same problem after 7 years of our marriage! Moving seperate from my husband's parents didn't solve any problems. My husband is just very controlling and domenating! He just controlls me for everything! We always have been having issues. And strange thing is my husband and his family don't get along at all either!
On our house it was my husband and my father-in-law's name! About 2 years ago my husband asked his dad to sign the paper to remove his name off of our house and they all got into BIG fight and for money issues they had worst things to say to eachother. It got so bad that my husband ended up in ER!! And my in-laws cut all the relation with us. My husband also didn't wanted to see their face again and was using so much bad language for his parents!! So anyway, we had no relation with my in-laws for 2 years as they had cut all the ties to us. But one day they came back saying they wanted to forget everything and wanted relation back! That was it! My husband was ready to go back like their puppet!! I sure was not ready for any of it . I was very afraid of getting into fights again and either me or my hsuband getting into health problems and even ending in ER! We have two boys ! One from his previous marriage and one together , 10 and 4 respectively. So yes, I was very much afraid of starting relation back. And I had explained my husband what was holding me back! Not only that , my husband's sisters had wrote down very nasty e-mails to my husband abt me!!
But anyway, since my in-laws wanted relation back, my husband wanted to run too. And ultimately we had relation back with them!
One day my husband ended up opening up a face book account and wanted to add his dad as a friend. So I requested him not to do so as at least this was the only place for me to be myslef! If his dad would be my husband's friend, I would have gotten his friend request too which I then would have to accept unless I wanted to get in trouble! Just for my small request,my husband got so mad at me saying so many bad things to me and using *f* words for me. So I told him to do whatever he wanted as I don't like getting into fights. So I gave up as always again but he still had an issue, he left the hosue very early morning while it was snowing very heavy here in Knoxville,Tn. He didn't come back for several hours, I would call him, but he wouldn't pick up my phone, and it went far. Finally he came home in the afternoon. After 1 day, he came to me appologizing for his behaviour. And he said he really loves me and wants to maintain this relation of ours. He promised me never to act like this again. And this is not the first time he had said thigns like this. He has said it several times by now that he really loves me and doesn't want a divorce! But then he is back to his original self!
After his big meltdown , he even said he would like to renew our vows infront of god and we did so! I fell for it , again!!! Life was going very smoothly after that or at least that is what I thought. But one day from no where he started distancing himself from me! And it lasted for days . So finally I asked him if there was anything that he was upset abt! I told him not talking to me is not going to help. If he doesn't tell me, I would not know. But It kept going and going. Only time he was close to me was for sex!! So finally I got tired of it and asked him again, and he said he is not happy with me because I get to talk to my parents regularly and he doesn't have normal relation with his parents! So I told him it was not me who had control over that. It is him and his family who just don't know how to live happily!! So Anyway, I was tired of his nonsense. Even when there was nothing, everything was going so smoothly, he ahd to crearte an issue!I was very very tired of all these.So I asked him if he wanted a divorce! And it went really bad after that. He called one of his co-worker/friend at home and said so many nasty things to him abt me. He even said , I am immature, mentally sick, and he just was very sick of dealing with me.
On the seperate note, during this time, he ended up messsing with my phone lock, and I couldn't call anybody. He deleted several of my contacts. Got into my e-mails and deleted all the nasty e-mails from his parents and sister. Back to the track, one late night, I was working on the computer in the office, I heard a loud strang noise , so I got scared and was calling all three of them, my husband and two of my kids to see if they were all okay and to see what was the sound ! But insted of coming and helping, he came out vedio taping me saying that what was I doing? He said, you are capable of doing anything! What are you upto? And he just started accusing me of doing something. So I sweared on both kids and on god and said I haven't done anything. I am as much afraid as him if not more. But he went and woke both of my kids, told them that I am crazy, and I am going ot kill them! And the whole time he had the video on too. When I tried to hug my kids, he didn't let me touch any one of them, got into car and left the house. I told him not to scared kids like this! I told him it would not be good for any one of my kids. But he did it anyway. He left both the kids somewhere , came back in the subdivision, called the police and created the big drama!!
I was so scared to go into my big house after that loud noise and all that had happened. So I ended up calling my friend from Chattonooga, and they came and pick me up in the middle of the night. After a day,my husband lef tme a voice msg saying he was worried abt me , and he loved me and cared abt me !! He even said him and the kids were misisng me!! He was asking me to go back home!!!
Now the problem is, I have no family in the states. Everyone is back in India or somewhere else!! They all wanted me to go back home , at least for the kids' sake!! And I was already missing both the boys too!! So I came back home!!
It has been 3 months to that incident now, but we still have so many issues coming up b/w us two.
After this whole incident, I have tried to be very open to all of his needs, including getting together with his family even when I felt very uncomfortable!! He still had a fight regards to that with me that why I only wanted to spen 2 to 2and half hours , why not more. I told him to provide me some time, given what jsut had happened, I needed to feel comfortable around them as they were all part of our this ongoign issue! He ultimately did what he wanted to regard to his sister and family.
We had two wedding ceremony , one in India, and one here. So we kind of have two anniversaries!! Both come during the month of April and May. And he forgot both of those!! Which was very hurtful specially when he was aying he is trying hard to improve and he wants this marriage to work!
Now, on the seperate note, while we were having this big fight, he ended up taking one of his female co-worker out for lunch and upon asking he wouldn't tell me for a while. So I had a doubt that he was having an affair with her. So next day he goes to work, told her how I was doubting his and her relation!! He is keep telling me till today , it is just friendship! Yet, they talk abt all of our issues! I have told my husband several times, that his friendship with his female admin is making me very uncomfortable. He told me if that's the case, he doens't care to sustain that friendship with her! he said he will now on only maintain strictly work based relation! Yet they talk abt how I was not happy abt her texting my husband over thsi memorial day weekend at home asking for soem help regards to her tablet!
I am very tired of all this ! Feel like I need to move out of this relation soon. But my family is keep telling me to do it just for kids sake! As if we were to get divorce, kids woudl suffer the most! Which I agree too. But there is no way to satisfy my husband!!
Any help!! Please!!!!
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