How patient should I be with my boyfriend (29) has an alcohol problem, is still in college, and never seems to
How patient should I be with my boyfriend (29) has alcohol issues, is still in college, and never seems to have any toilet paper at his house?? I'm 33 and we've been dating for six months.
As for the first thing, he doesn't drink every day, but since we've dated there have been a few times when he got really drunk before we were supposed to chill, and it pissed me off because I showed up sober, thinking we were just going to cook/watch tv. Also there have been a few times when we were out in a group, and after a few drinks he starts consuming very heavily, i.e. drinking vodka out of the bottle or double-fisting for multiple rounds. At that point he is prone to getting mad at me over ridiculous things or saying really vulgar things in front of my friends. The next day of course he is very sad and apologetic, saying "I'm done with drinking," but then by a few days later the message changes to, "I'm just going to drink in moderation... "
As for the still-in-college deal, that in itself would be fine with me, but: his parents are paying for it, he takes 2-3 classes at once, and works only 10 hours a week, and yet he's still prone to skipping classes and half-assing assignments and such. It's not my business, technically, but the scenario makes me feel like he's very irresponsible. I wince when he mentions that he skipped a class.
Lastly, the toilet paper thing is small you might be like, so what, girl? but I think it is a basic courtesy, when you think you are going to have a guest, to have toilet paper in the bathroom. Sometimes he has paper towels in there but I'm like. Please. It's a turn-off. Ladies, am I right?
He has a multitude of amazing qualities too, like he's a great chef, he's great at connecting with people, he's very sweet to me in other ways, we love doing outdoor activities together. But the things that bug me are all hitting the same chord, which is that they all make me feel like I'm his mom or something and I can't stand that. I haven't said those words to him because I think it's kind of a low blow to a man, to say something like, "I'm not your mother!!"
How can I talk to him about this gripe when it's such a blanket thing? like, "I wish you were more responsible" (I can't see that getting me anywhere)?? Am I a fool to stick around or am I being too uptight?
As for the first thing, he doesn't drink every day, but since we've dated there have been a few times when he got really drunk before we were supposed to chill, and it pissed me off because I showed up sober, thinking we were just going to cook/watch tv. Also there have been a few times when we were out in a group, and after a few drinks he starts consuming very heavily, i.e. drinking vodka out of the bottle or double-fisting for multiple rounds. At that point he is prone to getting mad at me over ridiculous things or saying really vulgar things in front of my friends. The next day of course he is very sad and apologetic, saying "I'm done with drinking," but then by a few days later the message changes to, "I'm just going to drink in moderation... "
As for the still-in-college deal, that in itself would be fine with me, but: his parents are paying for it, he takes 2-3 classes at once, and works only 10 hours a week, and yet he's still prone to skipping classes and half-assing assignments and such. It's not my business, technically, but the scenario makes me feel like he's very irresponsible. I wince when he mentions that he skipped a class.
Lastly, the toilet paper thing is small you might be like, so what, girl? but I think it is a basic courtesy, when you think you are going to have a guest, to have toilet paper in the bathroom. Sometimes he has paper towels in there but I'm like. Please. It's a turn-off. Ladies, am I right?
He has a multitude of amazing qualities too, like he's a great chef, he's great at connecting with people, he's very sweet to me in other ways, we love doing outdoor activities together. But the things that bug me are all hitting the same chord, which is that they all make me feel like I'm his mom or something and I can't stand that. I haven't said those words to him because I think it's kind of a low blow to a man, to say something like, "I'm not your mother!!"
How can I talk to him about this gripe when it's such a blanket thing? like, "I wish you were more responsible" (I can't see that getting me anywhere)?? Am I a fool to stick around or am I being too uptight?
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