I miss my ex - should I stop texting him & asking him to meet so we can "talk"?

we were together for 9 years and he walked out 6 months ago during one of his drinking episodes. We had a lot of issues, mostly pertaining to him ignoring his side of the family, him not holding a steady job and not paying his child support for his oldest child.. We have a young son together - and he takes him once a week, and sometimes I ask for his help around the house which he agrees to fixing things for me - and everytime I hear his happy voice on the other side of the phone when talking with our son or when he comes to pick him up, I get this happy feeling in my heart because I know they love eachother so much & it makes me want him to come back home... Also at night when the house is quiet, I think of him and think of callin out his name ... Anyhow when I text him to talk he agrees but then replies that something has come up and will have to do it another day...and that has been our problem this entire time and where all of our arguments have begun. I know he has a drinking problem but it wasnt like he went out all the time and never came home - he was always here for us - but it seemed like I always had to nag nag nag for him to do things and he would always mope around like he was an unhappy gumpy old man.. when he is only 38 yrs. old...We never put closure to the ending of our relationship and I just dont know what to do - Sometimes I feel like its my fault from all the yelling and nagging that I did but then I think about what he did wrong too and then I just stop thinking - Ugg it's a never ending battle of feelings - I know that I love him and miss him but I also think it's too late and that I could never go back to that non communicating life style ever again - I see other guys and look at them and know they are nothing like my "ex" he was such a kind soft spoken person but yet.. when he was drinking all this anger would come out - Also, his oldest child and her mother seemed to all of a sudden start being "ugly" towards me.. after I tried so hard for him to call and see her and pay his support - they acted as if it were me who kept him away - I make more money than he does, and I support my own children from a previous marriage - and I have always accepted his daughter as my own - However now that we split he sees her all the time and makes the past look like a fact -
By allyy 9 years ago :: Marriage
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