Parents' marriage of 20+ years is falling... fast!
My parents are having problems with their marriage of 20+ years. My parents are on their late 30s to early 40s.They have 3 grown kids between the ages of 18 to 26, and 3 young grandchildren. I'm the oldest child. My two siblings still live with my parents, so they witness their arguments more than I do.
It all started when my parents helped and sheltered my mom's friend and her daughter because my mom's friend was having problems of her own with her marriage. For argument's sake we'll call my mom's friend “Sallyâ€. Sally is a mid-thirties mom of 4 and grandmother of 2. But she dresses, talks, and acts like a teenager. She hugely influenced my mother while she was living with my parents. Now my mother completely transformed herself to act exactly like her friend Sally. My mother is now wearing tight jeans, skimpy tops, and heels so high. Which didn't bother me and my siblings at first. But what bothered us, was the attitude and personality that she also picked up from Sally. I can honestly say, “That this is not the mother I know, the mother who raised me.†My father started noticing her changes and became a lot more jealous than he usually was in the past. He's always calling my mom, checking where she's at and what she's doing. I can understand where he's coming from because she transformed herself to look and act like a teenager that he's afraid she might find another guy too. My mom says that she's tired of my dad always being on her case and accusing that she's cheating. Every time that he accuses her, they get into fights. My mom asked me and my siblings the most crazy question, which was “What would you think/do if I left your dad for another man?†What are we supposed to say to that! I told her “I don't know†and left it at that. Not only did my mother change her appearance and personality, we feel like she also wants to change her spouse/partner. My dad is willing to talk and mend their marriage, but my mother has told me that she's done and she's already given up and wants nothing to do with my dad. In the past when my mom started her changing phase, my siblings and I had this feeling that she had a crush on a co-worker. She would talk about him all the time, like how funny he was and how ugly his girlfriend was. Usually, a person doesn't judge another persons partner unless they have some sort of feelings towards them. She said that my father disgusts her and that she's given up. She gives him dirty looks behind his back and most of the time to his face. It's hard to be around and see this, especially when my mom pours her feelings out on us. We feel it's mostly her fault. Sally has moved out because my brother caught her daughter dealing drugs in front of my parent's home and my brother threatened to beat her. If my parent's don't fix their marriage, we as a family will end up a broken family, just like my mom's friend Sally's family.
The thing is, we as their children are stuck in the middle of it. We all don't really want to be involved. But at the same time, we feel like we need to say something, especially to our mother since she's the one who transformed herself and doesn't want to mend things with our father. What is an easy way to for us kids to let our mother know that, she is also in the wrong.
It all started when my parents helped and sheltered my mom's friend and her daughter because my mom's friend was having problems of her own with her marriage. For argument's sake we'll call my mom's friend “Sallyâ€. Sally is a mid-thirties mom of 4 and grandmother of 2. But she dresses, talks, and acts like a teenager. She hugely influenced my mother while she was living with my parents. Now my mother completely transformed herself to act exactly like her friend Sally. My mother is now wearing tight jeans, skimpy tops, and heels so high. Which didn't bother me and my siblings at first. But what bothered us, was the attitude and personality that she also picked up from Sally. I can honestly say, “That this is not the mother I know, the mother who raised me.†My father started noticing her changes and became a lot more jealous than he usually was in the past. He's always calling my mom, checking where she's at and what she's doing. I can understand where he's coming from because she transformed herself to look and act like a teenager that he's afraid she might find another guy too. My mom says that she's tired of my dad always being on her case and accusing that she's cheating. Every time that he accuses her, they get into fights. My mom asked me and my siblings the most crazy question, which was “What would you think/do if I left your dad for another man?†What are we supposed to say to that! I told her “I don't know†and left it at that. Not only did my mother change her appearance and personality, we feel like she also wants to change her spouse/partner. My dad is willing to talk and mend their marriage, but my mother has told me that she's done and she's already given up and wants nothing to do with my dad. In the past when my mom started her changing phase, my siblings and I had this feeling that she had a crush on a co-worker. She would talk about him all the time, like how funny he was and how ugly his girlfriend was. Usually, a person doesn't judge another persons partner unless they have some sort of feelings towards them. She said that my father disgusts her and that she's given up. She gives him dirty looks behind his back and most of the time to his face. It's hard to be around and see this, especially when my mom pours her feelings out on us. We feel it's mostly her fault. Sally has moved out because my brother caught her daughter dealing drugs in front of my parent's home and my brother threatened to beat her. If my parent's don't fix their marriage, we as a family will end up a broken family, just like my mom's friend Sally's family.
The thing is, we as their children are stuck in the middle of it. We all don't really want to be involved. But at the same time, we feel like we need to say something, especially to our mother since she's the one who transformed herself and doesn't want to mend things with our father. What is an easy way to for us kids to let our mother know that, she is also in the wrong.
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