I feel like that I am so low on my wife's priority list for life that I no longer even matter.

I am lost with what to do. Been married since 1999, and the last two years have been mostly lonely for myself. My wife and I have had some difficult situations over the years as any couple does, but I think that past transgressions have clouded her ability to progress with our marriage. My wife has developed a drinking problem over the past 4-5 years. She only drinks at night, but spends 1-2 nights a week pass out drunk and the other nights at varying levels.

She became pregnant two years ago and she did not drink during, but had a difficult pregnancy mentally. We had almost no physical relationship for the whole pregnancy. After my second son was born she started drinking again nearly immediately and continued to have no physical contact.

She is an attachment parent-let's kid sleep in our bed, picks up child as soon as cries, baby strapped in a sling around her chest, etc... Our 5 year old has finally just stated sleeping the whole night in his bed (i had to fight for it every night) Though he needs someone to lay next to him each night until he falls asleep because of the conditioning she instituted. Of course since she has had some drinks, she falls asleep next to him most nights until usually the baby wakes up which she then goes and gets and brings back to our bed.

She is an extraordinarily emotional person, almost clinically. She has seen therapists over the years for anxiety & depression. Her whole family has actually. She is also a lovely person as well, one of the most caring, thoughtful persons you would ever meet. Someone that people immediately fall in love with for her honest heart.

So I try very hard to have the love that we shared back but nothing I do seems to matter. I compliment her. I get her surprise gifts that are well thought out and are things that are perfect for her (she gives me little to no reaction). We go on dates (rare event) and during dinner she starts saying things out of nowhere like I am not sincere like her ( few drinks in her of course).

I work full time and she stays home with the kids. We are not rich, I make enough to pay the bills and some extra for the occasional entertainment. She went to see her family for two weeks with the kids (we live 700 miles away). When she returned she did not seem interested in me, just said how tired she was. That night she says she just wanted to be alone and watch TV into the night while I stood there feeling like her being gone was torture for the two weeks.

Yet she tells me how I am an amazing dad, handsome, loves me, appreciates me...and on and on...yet has no sexual needs, romance, and creates arguments out of many year old issues that have long past us by.

I have contemplated divorce. Moving out. Living in another room in the house. I love my boys so much that I am willing to live in a situation that I feel like I am not loved or happy. Yet I feel like I am very alone... I have no idea what to do.
By SadDad 12 years ago :: Marriage
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