What happens now?
Well I haven't been on this website in years but here goes. I'm in a bit of a situation and I wanted to get some opinions of people that I don't know. I recently broke up with my boyfriend, now ex-bf, and lets call him Andy. I love Andy like crazy and we had been together for 3 1/2 years. My breaking up with him had nothing to do with not loving him because that was never a question.
Andy and I had been together since our first year of university and now I am finished while he has 2 classes left. It was never a secret from me that we had to keep a relationship a secret from his parents until after uni when we can live together. This is because he and his family are Pakistani muslim and I am white, Canadian and about as non religious as you can get without being an atheist. Between the two of us we worked really well for a long long time. Of course I was always antsy about meeting his parents and going to meet them but I knew it was in the future for us. I had met his friends and one of his siblings.
Well like I said we just finished school. I have a job and so does he so financially we could afford to move. Andy told his dad about our relationship and freaked out. He started talking about how it was a shame to their family and how their society would look down on them and about how no one would want to marry his sister. At first he took this stuff to heart and was seriously thinking about breaking it off, but he slept on it and realized that its not a good reason. Andy left his dad for a long time hoping that his dad would come and talk to him, but he didnt and when Andy tried to talk to him he would ignore it. So we pushed back moving from July to August, to try to convince his parents about us.
August come closer and closer so I made an appointment to see an apartment. I noticed that Andy wasn't very excited about going to see it and he mentioned that he wasn't ready yet. I asked him that if this was the perfect place for us, would he sign a lease, and he said no. I was crushed since we had been planning this for so long. Andy went on vacation with his family and told me he just wasn't sure if he loved me anymore. But when he came back, he said of course he still loved me that he had just had doubts because we had been fighting. He said that he had only agreed to move because I wanted to.
At this point I was really hurt but I gave him more time to work it out. But I told him you need to keep talking to your dad and tell your mom about it. From May-August his dad has known and his siblings but his mom has no idea. I feel like he should want to tell them just to get it over with, and that he should be proud to be with me even if his parents don't approve. He still didn't do it. A couple of weeks ago I told him it was over because he was not putting any effort into moving our relationship forward, but we ended up gettting back together within a week.
I should mention for this next part that for the first year of our relationship i was a jealous gf. I realized though that I was being jealous and shrewish for no reason and that I could trust him. So I apologized profusely and he accepted. Keep in mind that this was 2 1/2 years ago. I have since told Andy that he should go out with his girl friends. So this weekend I get invited out with one of my friends, her bf, a guy that we know from school and his friend. We were only going to a comedy club and for some pastries after. I even invited him to come with us but since it was Ramadan he had dinner to go to. Which e has every night and he wouldnt cancel to come even though one of the other guys was doing Ramadan as well and he came, even though he had been invited to a dinner as well. Well Friday night Andy is getting all mad about how I am going out with other guys. Well I disagreed that it was an issue and he ends up texting me on Saturday night after I get home about how I go back on my words and about how I shouldn't have gone out with them etc. And here I was thinking "when have you ever done what you promised me you would do?" I have kept every promise and I figured that when I apologized for being jealous he should have moved past it. Plus I invited him to come and he chose not to.
We did end up kind of getting past this and back onto when he was going to talk to his mom so we could move, and he was still pushing it back! Weekends would go by where he said that he would talk to his parents and he didnt. More broken promises. So I left. Even though I still love him.
Those were the only problems though they were the straws that broke the camels back. Otherwise, there was that he never invited me out to see his friends. They had even asked me why I never came out with them. However, I never denied him goingout with his guys. (most of his friends are guys). Then there was that I could only see him once a week for a couple hours because he still didn't want to upset his parents. He never saw me on the weekenmd but he had plenty of time to do other things. We live about an hour/ 45 mins away from each other if traffic was clear so its not unmanageable. I even said that I would drive there and he didnt invite me with them. He also hasn't met some family friends that azre extremely close to me, even though we have asked him many times and he never comes out to my town to visit me or my family. He hardly calls, although we would text all the time. Very often he wouldnt even call once a day. And I couldn't call whenever I wanted cuz he didn't want to talk in front of his family. I just find texting is very easy but more effort should have been made.
I am not saying that I was an angel in our relationship but I put more effort in than him. Now I am alone and I miss him even though he hurt me terribly. We already broke up and got back together and he ruined it within the week. But now he texts me things like how its best friends day and how he wanted to say hi because I've been his best friend for so long. And just being nice in general. I really don't know what to do. It hurts so bad. Should I give him another chance?All my friends and family says no because he broke his promises and stuff. I had always defended him when people said that he would do this, but they seem to have been right. What do you guys think?
Oh I should also mention that this whole time I have been collecting furniture and stuff so that we wouldn't have to live in an empty apartment. He never once told me he didnt want to move while I was doing so. Its not like the stuff will go bad though so I suppose it can wait till I get my own place. I am mad and annoyed and hurt but I miss him :(
Also on another note I would like to apologize got the spelling mistakes and the general organization of the paragraphs. I was having issues with the new format.
Andy and I had been together since our first year of university and now I am finished while he has 2 classes left. It was never a secret from me that we had to keep a relationship a secret from his parents until after uni when we can live together. This is because he and his family are Pakistani muslim and I am white, Canadian and about as non religious as you can get without being an atheist. Between the two of us we worked really well for a long long time. Of course I was always antsy about meeting his parents and going to meet them but I knew it was in the future for us. I had met his friends and one of his siblings.
Well like I said we just finished school. I have a job and so does he so financially we could afford to move. Andy told his dad about our relationship and freaked out. He started talking about how it was a shame to their family and how their society would look down on them and about how no one would want to marry his sister. At first he took this stuff to heart and was seriously thinking about breaking it off, but he slept on it and realized that its not a good reason. Andy left his dad for a long time hoping that his dad would come and talk to him, but he didnt and when Andy tried to talk to him he would ignore it. So we pushed back moving from July to August, to try to convince his parents about us.
August come closer and closer so I made an appointment to see an apartment. I noticed that Andy wasn't very excited about going to see it and he mentioned that he wasn't ready yet. I asked him that if this was the perfect place for us, would he sign a lease, and he said no. I was crushed since we had been planning this for so long. Andy went on vacation with his family and told me he just wasn't sure if he loved me anymore. But when he came back, he said of course he still loved me that he had just had doubts because we had been fighting. He said that he had only agreed to move because I wanted to.
At this point I was really hurt but I gave him more time to work it out. But I told him you need to keep talking to your dad and tell your mom about it. From May-August his dad has known and his siblings but his mom has no idea. I feel like he should want to tell them just to get it over with, and that he should be proud to be with me even if his parents don't approve. He still didn't do it. A couple of weeks ago I told him it was over because he was not putting any effort into moving our relationship forward, but we ended up gettting back together within a week.
I should mention for this next part that for the first year of our relationship i was a jealous gf. I realized though that I was being jealous and shrewish for no reason and that I could trust him. So I apologized profusely and he accepted. Keep in mind that this was 2 1/2 years ago. I have since told Andy that he should go out with his girl friends. So this weekend I get invited out with one of my friends, her bf, a guy that we know from school and his friend. We were only going to a comedy club and for some pastries after. I even invited him to come with us but since it was Ramadan he had dinner to go to. Which e has every night and he wouldnt cancel to come even though one of the other guys was doing Ramadan as well and he came, even though he had been invited to a dinner as well. Well Friday night Andy is getting all mad about how I am going out with other guys. Well I disagreed that it was an issue and he ends up texting me on Saturday night after I get home about how I go back on my words and about how I shouldn't have gone out with them etc. And here I was thinking "when have you ever done what you promised me you would do?" I have kept every promise and I figured that when I apologized for being jealous he should have moved past it. Plus I invited him to come and he chose not to.
We did end up kind of getting past this and back onto when he was going to talk to his mom so we could move, and he was still pushing it back! Weekends would go by where he said that he would talk to his parents and he didnt. More broken promises. So I left. Even though I still love him.
Those were the only problems though they were the straws that broke the camels back. Otherwise, there was that he never invited me out to see his friends. They had even asked me why I never came out with them. However, I never denied him goingout with his guys. (most of his friends are guys). Then there was that I could only see him once a week for a couple hours because he still didn't want to upset his parents. He never saw me on the weekenmd but he had plenty of time to do other things. We live about an hour/ 45 mins away from each other if traffic was clear so its not unmanageable. I even said that I would drive there and he didnt invite me with them. He also hasn't met some family friends that azre extremely close to me, even though we have asked him many times and he never comes out to my town to visit me or my family. He hardly calls, although we would text all the time. Very often he wouldnt even call once a day. And I couldn't call whenever I wanted cuz he didn't want to talk in front of his family. I just find texting is very easy but more effort should have been made.
I am not saying that I was an angel in our relationship but I put more effort in than him. Now I am alone and I miss him even though he hurt me terribly. We already broke up and got back together and he ruined it within the week. But now he texts me things like how its best friends day and how he wanted to say hi because I've been his best friend for so long. And just being nice in general. I really don't know what to do. It hurts so bad. Should I give him another chance?All my friends and family says no because he broke his promises and stuff. I had always defended him when people said that he would do this, but they seem to have been right. What do you guys think?
Oh I should also mention that this whole time I have been collecting furniture and stuff so that we wouldn't have to live in an empty apartment. He never once told me he didnt want to move while I was doing so. Its not like the stuff will go bad though so I suppose it can wait till I get my own place. I am mad and annoyed and hurt but I miss him :(
Also on another note I would like to apologize got the spelling mistakes and the general organization of the paragraphs. I was having issues with the new format.
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