How do I deal with a messy man (and future messy kids)?

Let me first say that I love my fiancee. I think the problem I am having is typical, and mostly I want to learn how to change my reaction instead of trying to change his behavior (if that's possible then I'd love suggestions on that too).

He owns his condo and I rent my apartment. When we get married (in a year) we plan to live in his place for a year or two to save up money for a house (rent out the condo possibly to family). His condo is small, and he has summer custody of the kids. When they visit, I feel like all rules they have at their mom's house are out the door and cleaning up doesn't matter. The problem is that their dad isn't a good example since he never cleans up after himself. When his mom picks up the kids in the morning to go to her house for the day, she is the one who tells them they need to clean up. My fiancee doesn't even notice it's clean when he gets home.

I have to remind him to do his laundry, throw away trash and clean up dishes. There are more clothes on the floor than there are in the hamper. Forget about having a clean bathroom. When I go over to his place I see that the kids' room is almost the same. His son makes his bed, but his daughter leaves dishes everywhere, leaves food out, etc.

I am tired of being a nag when it comes to this, so I decided that I won't say anything anymore, and I won't clean up anyone's mess. This is hard for me. It disgusts me so much that I have to wear my shoes inside to avoid crumbs on the floor sticking to my feet and that the fridge is full of old food.

Is there a way to show him my feelings about this without being a nag? We've been together 5 years now and he already knows how I feel about cleaning but he doesn't seem to care, especially when the kids are here. I take pride in where I live, my car and taking care of my things and I feel like it's almost disrespectful to just make a mess when someone else worked hard to clean it.

I don't want to be that step mom or wife who is bossy and controlling, but at the same time I don't want to be the only one having to clean up other's messes. I am torn because one side of my says that it's not my house, it's not my problem, but the other side says that if this doesn't change now then it will never change. Any ideas for how to resolve this and start our marriage off right?
By shellbell5 10 years ago :: Marriage
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