My boyfriend told me I should look like a Playboy model because my personality was lacking.

My boyfriend recently got a Playboy offer in the mail. He told me he was thinking about subscribing. He already knows I find looking at other people nude other than the one you are with to be morally wrong. He used to look at porn in front of me, then switched to looking at it behind my back (I see it in the browser history).

Anyways, we got into an argument about him subscribing to Playboy. He said he mostly reads the articles in it and just scans the pictures. The fact that the whole magazine is dedicated to nude pinups doesn't seem to bother him in the slightest. I am marginally overweight (like by 5 pounds) according to my BMI chart. I don't think I look that bad, and I take care of myself (get my nails done, make sure my hair is nice, makeup, ect). It isn't enough. I told him if I was enough for him, he wouldn't have to look at nude girls.

I asked him if he wanted me to look perfect like them, and he replied, "Who wouldn't?" I told him he should love who I am inside, not what I look like. He just responded with, "Well, your personality is lacking" and then looked at me like I should just make up for it with my body.

I am crushed, demoralized and I feel cracked open. He was supposed to be my best friend, the one who loved me more than any other.. how could he say this to me... or any human being for that matter? He just gave me the message that if I looked like a pinup queen, he'd stop looking at porn entirely... he said I had a bad attitude and there seemed to be nothing he loved about me in the inside, obviously.

I feel like a shell. I don't even want to say anything anymore for fear of imparting my bad personality on others. I'm just crying now. If someone that close to me sees I am nothing but bad on the inside, I must be worthless to everyone else in my life as well.
By Ashi 15 years ago :: Dating
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