My boyfriend suddenly "needs to be alone" now that he's finally sober after I helped him recover for 5 years..
We've known each other for 5 years and been through really hard times for the first 4, although we had fun in the start of the relationship.
He was drinking, and after a year I suddenly helped both him and my 2 dying parents at the same time. He was there for me as good as he could during their deaths, too, but the stress on me was massive, and the situation was absurd. But I didn't give up on him however ill and unreasonable he was, and I helped him find help and survive, as well as I helped my parents and comforted them till their last minute(they both had cancer and died the same year.)
Now they have been gone for 2 years, and he has recovered, has been sober for over a year, has a good job and moved to a nice appartment nesr me 5 months ago(which I helped him decorate as he asked me to...). I have s o been looking forward to us finally spending time together and going places together in a nice, relaxed and funny way as "normal" lovers, - because we agree that we actually do love each other.
But now he's always tired because of work, and he has been distanced and cross and rejecting me and unreasonable again for months - and has just told me he basicly just wants to be left alone... and "can't we just be friends?"
He finds he's not able to be nice to me in the way he thinks I deserve, he says. For some reason our sexlife has also been non-existant for a year now... Maybe I've gotten a little too fat during the past 3 tough years, and maybe his brains and feelings are not working quite normal yet after years of drinking. So in a way we've already been "just friends" for some time, - but I thought we were just waiting and working together for the relationship to finally get normal!
Since he is functioning very well at his job and taking good care of the elderly people there, I think he is also hiding some plain male egoism behind his "handicap"! I find it all very unfair to me, because now I need his emotional support, which he just doesn't want to give to me for somme reason. On the other hand I understand his need to feel all free after years and years of dependency, and even when you help somebody survive, of course you can't "buy" their love or support.
I've told him that I am very sad and dissapointed but that at the same time I understand...and that now I want to concentrate on my own life for some time and meet other people and maybe other men (this made him listen a bit...!).
We have a kind of understanding that maybe we find each other again, maybe not. We seem to need to find out whether we have actually chosen each other - or just been driven into each others arms back then. Still, I find it sad. - Could I have done otherwise - or could he?
He was drinking, and after a year I suddenly helped both him and my 2 dying parents at the same time. He was there for me as good as he could during their deaths, too, but the stress on me was massive, and the situation was absurd. But I didn't give up on him however ill and unreasonable he was, and I helped him find help and survive, as well as I helped my parents and comforted them till their last minute(they both had cancer and died the same year.)
Now they have been gone for 2 years, and he has recovered, has been sober for over a year, has a good job and moved to a nice appartment nesr me 5 months ago(which I helped him decorate as he asked me to...). I have s o been looking forward to us finally spending time together and going places together in a nice, relaxed and funny way as "normal" lovers, - because we agree that we actually do love each other.
But now he's always tired because of work, and he has been distanced and cross and rejecting me and unreasonable again for months - and has just told me he basicly just wants to be left alone... and "can't we just be friends?"
He finds he's not able to be nice to me in the way he thinks I deserve, he says. For some reason our sexlife has also been non-existant for a year now... Maybe I've gotten a little too fat during the past 3 tough years, and maybe his brains and feelings are not working quite normal yet after years of drinking. So in a way we've already been "just friends" for some time, - but I thought we were just waiting and working together for the relationship to finally get normal!
Since he is functioning very well at his job and taking good care of the elderly people there, I think he is also hiding some plain male egoism behind his "handicap"! I find it all very unfair to me, because now I need his emotional support, which he just doesn't want to give to me for somme reason. On the other hand I understand his need to feel all free after years and years of dependency, and even when you help somebody survive, of course you can't "buy" their love or support.
I've told him that I am very sad and dissapointed but that at the same time I understand...and that now I want to concentrate on my own life for some time and meet other people and maybe other men (this made him listen a bit...!).
We have a kind of understanding that maybe we find each other again, maybe not. We seem to need to find out whether we have actually chosen each other - or just been driven into each others arms back then. Still, I find it sad. - Could I have done otherwise - or could he?
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