Think I am going crazy ... help!

I am 30, educated, attractive (so I am told), have a great partner and seemlying normal. However over the last few years I have become obsessive and paranoid about everything I have ever done!

I had some traumatic events in my past which I am dealing with. But it is getting outta control. Everything I do I worry about, I know I cant change what I have done but it is getting really bad. I agonize over every little detail, every work mistake (big and little). For example, I work in press and two years ago a sent a direct email pitch to 100 jornos with (insert publication name in it instead of actually inserting the name, stupid I know but I was flat out a work in my defence I guess), one jurno friend called me and told me about the error and I fixed the error for the next 100 send out ... but I still think what if they think I am an idiot? what if I am the butt of their jokes? there was a case of a US PR person having their direct email pitch published on a website with errors a few years back and everyone made fun of her.

I re-read an ass I did for school about my work experience (where I was quite scathing about how things were run and that I felt abused there). I realise I was young and the teachers prob felt I was being over the top and over sensitive. I was also a very passive person then as well. But I feel so guilty about it. It really was not that bad and I really did not give a chance to show the positive side of the people there. I mean this was years ago and I still stress what if the people found out? what if everyone thinks I am a liar? why did I just not be diplomatic? my paranoia was only confirmed when one of the staff members was a little weird to me when I saw them a few years later (although nothing was said).

I have tried to deal with this on my own. Using mantras, logic, talking to phone couns services, mediation etc- but nothing is helping. I cannot afford prof help right now. Any advice or support groups would be great. It seems every minute of the day I am living over a big or little mistake I have made in my head.
By Diana23 15 years ago :: General
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