Should I stay or should I go...HELP!

I have been married almost 10 years. A year and a half ago my hubby had an emotional online affair w/someone he met on MySpace.
It devastated me, to say the least.
We have children together as well as a stepchild from each of our prior marriages.
I have forgiven my hubby for the whole online MySpace thing, and what helped me was that they never met in person.
But last Fall I found cell phone bills that showed her was texting her for a two hour period while at work...and when I questioned him that evening, he came at me w/both his hands around my neck.
This is the 1st time he's actually gotten physical.
I didn't call the police, but now wish I did. Simply for the fact that he has threatened me in the past that I would be 6 ft. under before I ever left w/the children.
He also took his Colt .45 out one night and I heard a 'click' and got off the couch to question him about the sound. He said he was 'checking the magazine' in it.
He was angry when he went to bed soon before that because we had a disagreement and he didn't like the fact I chose to sleep on the couch.
He has a temper, and seems very hot and cold as far as his moods go.
I am not afraid of him unless he gets really ticked off and starts talking about stuff like 'he' won't be the one leaving, this is HIS house...yadda, yadda, yadda.
So...since we went to counseling, things haven't gotten much better.
I don't know if I should try to work on things w/him for the sake of my children, or save money and make a long term plan to leave.
One of the reasons I chose to stay, is I am worried about him having the kids on the weekend(s) alone w/my children.
He doesn't watch them very well, he lives on the computer or his cell phone texting or responding to his notifications from Facebook.
I don't trust him, and don't know which way to turn.
He accuses me occasionally of messing around, which really hurts my feelings.
I am a stay at home Mom, and he tells me that I wouldn't survive w/o him because of finances.
I know there are agencies out there to help women/men in my situation.
I don't want to devastate my children!
So I ask...Should I stay or should I go???
Thanks for your input!
By WhirledPeas 15 years ago :: Marriage
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