More Effort Vs Understand Me (The Messaging Issue)
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Side 2
Side 2
Side 1 says...
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We've been through many ups and downs. We really love each other but we fight/argue a lot. One particular issue for me is his lack of care with his phone (messaging and calling). He says he does not like messaging. He often takes hours to reply and it frustrates me.
The thing is, I remember when we first started going out, he was much more keen to communicate with me through the phone. I feel like he does not want to make as much effort anymore. I've told him this many times. When I first told him how I felt about his decrease in effort (a few weeks after we started going out) he agreed that it wasn't right for him to do this. Now, he just says that I should understand that he does not like messaging or that he doesn't check his phone often or that doesn't have his phone on him etc...
Let me give you a recent example from 2 nights ago:
I was upset because I had been fighting with a close friend of mine that day. I told my boyfriend this through a text that night. He asked me what had happened. I said it was too long to explain in a text, that I wish I could call him and that I was sad about this (we both couldn't really call each other because we were going to go over our caps). He replied about 3-4 hrs later saying 'Fair enough. Well you talk about it next time I see you then." To me, it felt like he was not really here for me. He knew I was upset but he took so long to answer and didn't even say anything comforting. I expressed this feeling in my reply but didn't want to make a big deal out of it so I ended with a joke by saying 'where is the love? :P'
He did not answer until the NEXT day in the late afternoon. His excuse for taking ages to reply the night before and that day was because he was studying the night before (we're both students) and then he was in a hurry to get to work the next day.
I don't understand a few things:
1) Fair enough if he was studying the night before but he could've taken just 2 minutes to reply to my message before he went to bed
2) Even if he didn't want to message before going to bed because he was tired (which is an excuse he always uses), he could've messaged me on his way to work (he catches the train to work)
Anyways, I think this is long enough. I wanted to know, what do you guys think? Am I really being unreasonable because I want my boyfriend to NOT take hours to reply to my messages? We don't see each other often (maybe once, twice a week on average) so when we're apart I feel like I am unimportant to him because of his lack of effort in communicating with me.
The thing is, I remember when we first started going out, he was much more keen to communicate with me through the phone. I feel like he does not want to make as much effort anymore. I've told him this many times. When I first told him how I felt about his decrease in effort (a few weeks after we started going out) he agreed that it wasn't right for him to do this. Now, he just says that I should understand that he does not like messaging or that he doesn't check his phone often or that doesn't have his phone on him etc...
Let me give you a recent example from 2 nights ago:
I was upset because I had been fighting with a close friend of mine that day. I told my boyfriend this through a text that night. He asked me what had happened. I said it was too long to explain in a text, that I wish I could call him and that I was sad about this (we both couldn't really call each other because we were going to go over our caps). He replied about 3-4 hrs later saying 'Fair enough. Well you talk about it next time I see you then." To me, it felt like he was not really here for me. He knew I was upset but he took so long to answer and didn't even say anything comforting. I expressed this feeling in my reply but didn't want to make a big deal out of it so I ended with a joke by saying 'where is the love? :P'
He did not answer until the NEXT day in the late afternoon. His excuse for taking ages to reply the night before and that day was because he was studying the night before (we're both students) and then he was in a hurry to get to work the next day.
I don't understand a few things:
1) Fair enough if he was studying the night before but he could've taken just 2 minutes to reply to my message before he went to bed
2) Even if he didn't want to message before going to bed because he was tired (which is an excuse he always uses), he could've messaged me on his way to work (he catches the train to work)
Anyways, I think this is long enough. I wanted to know, what do you guys think? Am I really being unreasonable because I want my boyfriend to NOT take hours to reply to my messages? We don't see each other often (maybe once, twice a week on average) so when we're apart I feel like I am unimportant to him because of his lack of effort in communicating with me.
Added by Multinational (female)
Side 2 says...
I don't understand how she can't be more comprehensive of my situation. My life is one big pile of stress. I have my parents who have completely let me down. I need to survive on my own in a country like Australia. I have no financial support. I study full-time and work to be able to afford my own place and food and save money for my studies on the top of that. Undergraduate studies in Australia are really expensive the living costs are absurd.
How is this normal that someone who is supposed to love you not understand that? I work on average four days a week where I travel for 2 hours a day and I don't even have a car plus I have to work for more than 20 hours a week sometimes. My life is just one constant rush. If I'm not working, I'm studying and I have to study really hard since I am only an average student. I need to catch up on lectures that I can't even make since I need to work and support myself. I barely have time to breathe. How does it even make any sense that someone can be so mad just because I do not text her because I'm always so stressed and don't see the importance of doing these things.
It is already so hard for me to stay focus in my life right now and make sure that I don't break down, how can someone who loves you tell you.. I want you to message me at least every hour like you used to when we just met because I need you to care and I need you to show me that you care about me. I used to message her more often when we just met but life's changed for me and she knows it. She knows for a matter of fact that the rare times that we see each other I always want to make sure she has a good time. Yet, she will sometimes ruin or take these moments to piss me off with her message issues that for her are more important than the stressful life that I'm living. Why can't she be more supportive? Some couples out there are not even sure if their partner love each other, they fight about it? Some couples have to face problems with cheating etc.. We don't even have to go through this nightmare. How can it make sense that for the little time that we can spend together that we waste it on arguments concerning freaking text messages. If I had to put so much importance on text messages then I can already see how my life would go down. I hate text messaging because most of the time when I'm not around my gf I'm really stressed and don't feel like doing it. Isn't that just logical? How can she not understand that and why don't she embrace me for who I am. She's my gf but sometimes I feel like I have to make sure that I have to try hard to make 'my boss happy'. Why do I have to feel so much pressure while being in a relationship. Aren't we supposed to be easy with each other? How is this normal people?
She's a local, life is much easier for her. She lives with her mum and she doesn't even need to work as much as I do. Her mum provides her with food and accommodation. I wish she could grow up and realize that not many people would be able to stand strong in the situation that I am in my life. Some guys would probably just give up on this relationship because it just adds more stress to their life. She only cares about her. If she wants me to message her, she need to hear that I will promise her that I will message her more so that she can be happy. If I don't say anything like that then, that's equal days and days of fighting. It is now officially and ongoing process. Come on. We are not 12 or 13 years old anymore. Text messages are for kids!
How is this normal that someone who is supposed to love you not understand that? I work on average four days a week where I travel for 2 hours a day and I don't even have a car plus I have to work for more than 20 hours a week sometimes. My life is just one constant rush. If I'm not working, I'm studying and I have to study really hard since I am only an average student. I need to catch up on lectures that I can't even make since I need to work and support myself. I barely have time to breathe. How does it even make any sense that someone can be so mad just because I do not text her because I'm always so stressed and don't see the importance of doing these things.
It is already so hard for me to stay focus in my life right now and make sure that I don't break down, how can someone who loves you tell you.. I want you to message me at least every hour like you used to when we just met because I need you to care and I need you to show me that you care about me. I used to message her more often when we just met but life's changed for me and she knows it. She knows for a matter of fact that the rare times that we see each other I always want to make sure she has a good time. Yet, she will sometimes ruin or take these moments to piss me off with her message issues that for her are more important than the stressful life that I'm living. Why can't she be more supportive? Some couples out there are not even sure if their partner love each other, they fight about it? Some couples have to face problems with cheating etc.. We don't even have to go through this nightmare. How can it make sense that for the little time that we can spend together that we waste it on arguments concerning freaking text messages. If I had to put so much importance on text messages then I can already see how my life would go down. I hate text messaging because most of the time when I'm not around my gf I'm really stressed and don't feel like doing it. Isn't that just logical? How can she not understand that and why don't she embrace me for who I am. She's my gf but sometimes I feel like I have to make sure that I have to try hard to make 'my boss happy'. Why do I have to feel so much pressure while being in a relationship. Aren't we supposed to be easy with each other? How is this normal people?
She's a local, life is much easier for her. She lives with her mum and she doesn't even need to work as much as I do. Her mum provides her with food and accommodation. I wish she could grow up and realize that not many people would be able to stand strong in the situation that I am in my life. Some guys would probably just give up on this relationship because it just adds more stress to their life. She only cares about her. If she wants me to message her, she need to hear that I will promise her that I will message her more so that she can be happy. If I don't say anything like that then, that's equal days and days of fighting. It is now officially and ongoing process. Come on. We are not 12 or 13 years old anymore. Text messages are for kids!
Added by Rodex (male)
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