Trust Issues With Boyfriend Of 3 Years...

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Side 2
Side 1 says... I first started dating my boyfriend back in 2008. I thought he was too good to be true. Well, come to find out, he was. After 2 months of dating, I found out he was married and that they were expecting their second child. I was devistated!!! To say the least. Needless to say, I broke it off with him. A few days later, he starts the begging and calling for me to talk to him. So, I finally do. He starts telling me about the divorce decree that is in place and that it won't be much longer until they are officially divorced (I actually saw the original decree). I told him that I would take him back as long as he moved in with me and promised that their marriage was over. He said yes without hesitation. We lived together for about 6 months and everything seemed great. Then, out of nowhere, I get this crazy call from his soon to be ex. She tells me that he had been having sex with her everytime he went to pick up his son for visitations.I was beyond broken!!!! I suffer from a mental illness as it is. And he knew that!!! Ofcourse, he said it was nothing and that she would make him feel guilty about leaving his family. So, he would end up sleeping with her out of pitty. I kicked him out and decided I would just be alone. But, being lonely isn't all it's cracked up to be. He ends up moving back with his ex. It wasn't several hours later, he calls me and says he wants to come back to me. I said NO! Then, a few minutes later, I get a call from his crazy ex. She says that he is really miserable with her and that he admitted to her that he loved me and never ever loved her. I was so confused and lonely that I took him back. Ever since that last time, he has never been with her. And trust me, she would have told me just to piss me off. Well, I know it's my fault for staying with him. But I love him. We now have two beautiful twin babies and things are ok, until I start getting suspicious. Nothing big. He never goes out. I have access to all his emails and phone records. He gave me access to everything to prove to me that he was trust worthy. He doesn't get random phone calls or anything like that. But something in my head tells me not to trust him. Now, he keeps pushing the issue of marriage. I ALWAYS change the subject. I'm not sure we should get married. I don't trust him because of what happened between us in the beginning. He always says that I need to forget the past and just be happy with him. Am I stupid for wanting to trust and marry him?
Added by lola911 (female)
Side 2 says... I love my fiancee with all of my heart and being. She is "the one" for me, and it just sucks that i happened to meet her at the time i was in the process of ending a messy marriage/divorce. I cant control the timing of the whole thing. In the end, we have 2 beautiful babies together, and she gets to see that I am truly in love with her, and i am completely trustworthy. Yes, in retrospect, things would have been easier on her if i had waited until my divorce and all and any communications with my ex-wife were completely over before i began a new relationship. But, it didnt happen that way, so theres no sense beating it up and trying to reconstruct the past. It cant be changed. All we can do is make the relationship that we have the very best that we can make it. And that means focusing on today, and making that the common theme for our relationship and life together. All we can control is today. So, today, just like every day for the past couple years since i decided to take control of my life and my relationships, i will love my fiancee totally and completely, and give her nothing but full honesty, respect and faithfulness, since she deserves nothing less. And i will continue to do this every day, as long as i live. This is all that is in my power to do, and it is honestly all that i want to do.
Added by beb817 (male)
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