Words (regretfully) exchanged

I have been with with this guy for two years, engaged one. We have been through a lot together and I love him deeply. A week ago, we ended up in a hotel in Toronto due to exams (I go to school there), and he happened to be staying there for a couple days due to training for work. He had a company Christmas party that I attended briefly but had to leave because I needed to study for the next day's exam, and truthfully, I didn't want to hang out for very long. A stupid little argument arose from this.

The argument turned into a full blown fight. He was drunk and agitated. He didn't want to talk, but I was so persuasive (which is wrong on my part). I asked him if he cared, he said no. He then went on to say that we weren't good together, that he was no longer in love with me, and that if we married each other, it wouldn't be a marriage. He broke up with me. I was really sad. A little detached. Having no place to go at the time, at 4 am, with an exam at 10 am, I needed to stay.

The dawn droned on for another hour, and of course I was hit with disbelief, asking him questions as to how and why his feelings had come to this. I'm sure by then the alcohol started to wear out, and he started to think more clearly through his weariness. You know when they say that people just don't realize that they no longer love the person all of a sudden, but rather, it's a progression that leads to the point of the inevitable? That's what I had in my head, summing up the good and the bad, arranging plans as to how he can move his stuff out (we currently live together) without me being present because it would hurt so much.

Later on that morning.... the ring I threw at him ended up on my finger again. I woke up while he was slipping it on. He was evidently really sad. Evidently regretful. We went Christmas shopping later that day and then went back home. Had a serious talk. He said that he said those things because I seemed unhappy, and that maybe it was good for me that I wasn't with him because he tried to do the 'noble thing', which he admitted as stupidity on his part for speaking for myself. He was drunk, but still, those words---you just can't take back. Breaching the trust issues just don't touch up on fidelity. It's the whole package.

He feels really bad for it though. He has been assuring me that it hurt him to say those things that he didn't mean. It just seemed like he meant it when I watched him say those words. Do drunk people mean what they say and vice versa? Right now, he's standing by the grounds of not willing to lose me. Wanting to gain that assurance and security I had prior to this incidence of spending our lives together. And that's another thing. Marriage is bold and italicized, it's not as light as dating.

He wants another chance, and yes I'm giving him one. There's this incessant voice inside of me that keeps reflecting to that night though. I'm not sure whether or not to believe him. I would rather get hurt now, and have him just go rather than later, when it hurts even more. I want to believe him though, and I'm not going to jump gun and assume the worst. But my heart isn't fully healed from it, and it will take a lot of time, a lot of proving, a lot of words, and a lot more actions. Certain things that you say, you cannot take back.

Words of wisdom anyone?
By musicislife 8 years ago :: Dating
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