i'm worried about my boyfriend sizing up to my fantasy.

okay, ive got a question. and i have alot to say, so this might be a little long. here goes...
ive been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. we had an apt for a year and now share a house with a few roommates. over the time weve been together, ive always had a problem with flirting with other guys. like texting them, hanging out, etc. he knew about all these times and decided to work through them with me. the last time, i decided to leave him but we got back together. he told me that we had serious trust problems and if he ever wanted me to gain his trust back then id need to be faithful. so for 6 months i have, and he told me he trusts me and weve been really really happy together. were growing as a couple buying big things for our home and communicating alot. weve talked alot about our future together over the years and both want to spend a long time together. thats why hes helped me through things alot. i think he really wants to be with me so hes gone through alot of shit helping me out. hes an amazing man and treats me so well, id really love to be with him forever and have a real future.
its gonna get a little explicit here, be warned...
through these 6 months of me being faithful, ive done alot of thinking and come to realize why i always betrayed him and talked to other guys, one even leading to sex. hes known nearly the whole time weve been dating that his dick hasnt measured up to what i like. ive always fantasized about something much larger. weve talked to eachother alot over the years about it and weve talked about the kind of porn we watch. we communicate very easily. just to put it out there, im a very horny young girl and i watch alot of porn and masturbate alot. i want a huge black dick. my boyfriend is a very small white guy, but hes the best boyfriend i could ever ask for. i dont want to break up with him and give him up, because i dont want to lose something that good, especially over sex. i think about this size way too much, and its on my mind a whole lot.
oh yeah, my boyfriend has never made me cum. thats frustrating as hell, and adds to me being horny and wanting to talk to other guys. i dont want an open relationship since ive betrayed him so many times in the past, and i know he wouldnt want one either. i feel like were at the point in our relationship where we need to be considering where exactly we want to go, were talking alot about our future. im worried that im going to be sexually miserable and in love, or lonely but satisfied.
so what the hell do i do??
By emily13 8 years ago :: Dating
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