I'm third place in my boyfriend's life
I am in a relationship with a guy for the past year and a half. I love him dearly and we have been trying to plan for our future together. Both of us had divorces that finalized last year, though we had been going through them and been seperated for almost 2 years before. Just to clarify, we were not the cause of each other's divorce and neither one of us had been unfaithful to our spouses.
He has a 6 year old daughter who I have spent a great deal of time with and who adores me- and I her. Problem is that she thinks we are "just friends" and he seems adverse to telling her about us, for fear of her reaction. When we talk about it, he agrees that it has to be done for our relationship to move forward and not get stagnant, but he takes no steps to do it. The other complicating factor is his ex-wife.....who i think is certifiable.
Due to the exorbitant alimony and child support he pays, exwife doesn't work and it would seem that she has devoted her life and time to emailing him about what he has done wrong, how he destroyed the family and how his daughter will ultimately see him and his selfishness for what it is and hate him (paraphrasing, of course). I'm not going to spend too much time on this post defending him, but suffice it to say that he is a GREAT father. Not only does he provide terrific support financially, but he is extremely involved in every aspect of her life emotionally as well. He goes to every school event (plays etc.), calls her every night he is not with her and has visitation about 40% of the week.
So, my question is this.....since he seems afraid of his ex-wife's reaction and his daughter's reaction, I am left in limbo.....indefinitely. I understand that this is a tough thing to go through and it has to be handled with sensitivity, but I am just not comfortable taking third seat in his life anymore. He seems concerned about their feelings, but not mine.
Anyone have any experience in this type of a situation? Is it worth waiting it out and giving him time, or should I just give up on it? Am I being unreasonable?
He has a 6 year old daughter who I have spent a great deal of time with and who adores me- and I her. Problem is that she thinks we are "just friends" and he seems adverse to telling her about us, for fear of her reaction. When we talk about it, he agrees that it has to be done for our relationship to move forward and not get stagnant, but he takes no steps to do it. The other complicating factor is his ex-wife.....who i think is certifiable.
Due to the exorbitant alimony and child support he pays, exwife doesn't work and it would seem that she has devoted her life and time to emailing him about what he has done wrong, how he destroyed the family and how his daughter will ultimately see him and his selfishness for what it is and hate him (paraphrasing, of course). I'm not going to spend too much time on this post defending him, but suffice it to say that he is a GREAT father. Not only does he provide terrific support financially, but he is extremely involved in every aspect of her life emotionally as well. He goes to every school event (plays etc.), calls her every night he is not with her and has visitation about 40% of the week.
So, my question is this.....since he seems afraid of his ex-wife's reaction and his daughter's reaction, I am left in limbo.....indefinitely. I understand that this is a tough thing to go through and it has to be handled with sensitivity, but I am just not comfortable taking third seat in his life anymore. He seems concerned about their feelings, but not mine.
Anyone have any experience in this type of a situation? Is it worth waiting it out and giving him time, or should I just give up on it? Am I being unreasonable?
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