SUPER frustrated w/BF! what do i do?? help!!!!

OK. this is my first time in side taker. so, im just going to talk about how im feeling, and i dont care how deep it goes- or if anyone thinks its weird, just try and understand, and give me advice! im gonna get in to details...

ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, extremely close its like were married. theres a lottttttt of good in our relationship---very in love, satisfied, get along, constantly make eachother laugh, generous w/eachother etc. but im here to discuss the bad/weird.

i have alwaaaaaaaaays been the happy, bubbly, very confident and secure type. this is because of how i was in highschool and university. goodlooking popular but verrrrry nice, not stuck up. but this is the first boyfriend to change the way i feel about myself. i've just never come across someone that made me feel this way. im 24, i've been in 5 relationships so i've had experience- im not just some lost girl lol.

maybe its cuz im new to this, i've NEVER had a bf that would actually have the nerve to check out other girls in front of me! its like, wtf r u thinking? the first couple of times it happened, i let it slide cuz i was too shocked it was just really new to me. and i mean, not just a little look, once he actually said "damn" ?! and i swear with all honestly and no cockiness i am way hotter. and even REGARDLESS of how i look., ur just not suppose to do that! then wen it happened again i was like okay r u effing kidding me, got in a fight about it, made it clear that i dont accept it and i will never get y hes doing that- he apologized. (that use to happen up to around 6 months into our relationship)

also from the beginning of our relationship till around 8 months in to it, he would actually bring up someone he use to hook up with before me, and talk about how hot she was?! ya iv hooked up with hot men in the past, but why on earth would i talk about how HOT they were in front of you, my current boyfriend!? its just something ur not suppose to do. again, the first time it happend it was in the beginning of our relationship, i was shocked and not use to it- let it slide. then we were @ his friends house once (3 months into relationship), and he asked his friend if he knew the girl he hooked up with, lets call her Z. i dont even know whyyyy he'd bring Z up @ a gathering randomly, but he does, and they start discussing how banging she is. he brought up Z i duno how many times after that, then i exploded. i was like who the hell do u think ur dating?!?! i have respect for ur effing feelings, and u dont have for mine?! and ur not exactlly brad pitt, alllllllllll i hear is omg she can do so much better whats she doing its like beauty and the beast. and HE has the guts to do this! i really think im just way too nice. and im not being dramatic,.. like he does all these things in a way to PISS me off. i know hes not just letting these things out cuz he cant control himself. i feeel that his purpose is to get me jealous and put my esteeem down. i know it.

now, another thing. I'm 5'5 and 58 kg. i use to be 52kg when we first met ( @ graduation) but i gained weight when i was unemployed for 8 months lookin for a job and living with his junk-eating @$$. he tells me to go to the gym cuz i gained weight and he'd make fun of it, and bring up the weight i gained like once a week. why dont u just let it fucking go?? tell me i look good instead?! what do men not understand.

i wanna ask u women something, if u had a bf that told u to hit the gym more than once, would u say, alrightey and go. or would u not go because u wudnt want him thinking ur doing this for him, and it wud make u feel like a loser? theres a way u say things, but the way he says it is weird. and witih alllllll the other things he does combined. not cool.

and last thing, with my other boyfriends, i remember almost everytime before we'd go out for dinner or sth, theyd tell me i looked beautiful or pretty or i looked good in that dress etc. THIS BF, oh my godddd i hear it like once every three months! i remember it was our 6 month anniversary, and he told me i looked beautiful- my heart almost stopped i was actually hurt not happy. cuz it just reminded me of how rarely i hear it.

sometimes when i think about it, i end up with this reasoning. i was always happy, secure and confident because i was goodlooking and had a lot of friends. he is average/below avg looking, doesnt have many friends (hes too tuff) and super cocky, and maybe that cockyness comes from insecurity??? and hes trying to make me feel bad about myself? but whyyy ywhyyy would u want the person u love feel bad aboiut themselves.

basically, emotionally and love-wise its perfect. he constantly tells me how much he loves me and adores me and im the best person on earth and how wer gona be together forever etc etc.

BUT a woman does need to feeeeel beautiful w/ the guy shes gona be with for the rest of her life?! am i right! especially if she truly deserves it, and can get it elsewhere (but wouldnt). just like guys want their women to make them feel like "men", we want to feel NOT just loved, but also appreciated for out looks too. i neverrrrr knew this before!! cuz i had it alll, but now that i dont, i realized.

wow this was a verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry long post. sorrrrrry guys, lol
By touline 15 years ago :: Dating
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