How do I get him to commit...or is it even worth it?

Been dating on and off for 3 and a half years. first year was great, passionate, wonderful. after trip to hawaii at 9 months, he got independent on me and backed off. we broke up for about 8 months, started dating again and i moved in due to financial issues on my side (Im a realtor). after 6 months, wasnt working and i moved out, broke up for 7 months, got back together in feb this year. we went to california to friends house in may and fought b/c they are engaged after not even a year and he felt pressured by me. when ever i push he resists and pulls away. we were broken up for june and july, no contact. then out of the blue he emails me and wants to see me. so we saw each other all of august and then he went back to california where he works about two weeks out of the month. when he is gone, he used to call me every day. now only once a week. that infuriates me b/c i need to chat and say hi, missu, what's going on eetc. even a daily 10 min. phone call is enough. but again the more i say i need it the more he resists. so i tried a new approach and it seems to be working. we are friends and occasionally i stay over when i am working-i work 20 min. from his house, and i live over an hour away from my work so it is practical to stay at his house. when i am there he treats me like a queen. usually. he used to be an alcoholic in his twenties and when we dated the first 2.5 years he didnt drink at all, but the last year i guess he is drinking 2-3 glasses of wine w/dinner and socially. gets drunk occasionally. goes to wine events w/o me and says i scrutinize his drinking. when he was drunk a month ago i said i didnt like it and he got really mad. he said i would be out of his life if i continued to bring up his drinking.
so...he knows that we are both allowed to date others but not sleep with anyone else. he told me he has no desire to date at all and i believe him. one reason is because he has PE problem. he's almost 50. i dont mind it but i know he dodesnt want to start up w/someone new who might mind. so now that he doesnt have any strings attached to me and he knows i will date others, and i have a couple guys who ask me out, he is more attentive. he called me last night and was on a golf trip with the guys. he usually never calls when he is out w/the guys. he said he missed me and asked what i was doing. he was fishing to see if i was going out.
so i think my approach of letting him feel free and doing what i want might work. how long should i give him to commit? he doesnt want to get married but i do. i know hw would love to have me live with him forever or date forever, he loves me and wants me in his life. i just think he is scared of marriage. he was married for 2 years about 13 years ago and she freaked out on him and it was terrible.
advice?