Was I too harsh on my friend or were my verbal actions justified?

A girlfriend of mine seems to have become at some point in her life (not recently - a long time ago) very dramatic, needy, victim like and can never ever just be happy...
She had not such a great upbringing, she states that she has been sexually assaulted 3 separate times in her life (over the last 10 years) all by different people - which I would NEVER had discredited until one night we were out together, she was seen with a guy - they left and then she came back and said she had been raped down the alley near the bar we were at, we were all shocked and tried to take her to hospital and police but she said she would just rather stay out and drink - she didnt seem too perturbed.
Also, any time she tell of on of the 3 stories they always seem to slightly change.. No one ever wants to ask her for clarification but they story just never stays the same.
Every week I catch up with her and one of the stories comes up or something about her childhood is bought up - and I have in the past told her that going and seeing someone would be quite beneficial to her so that she can finally deal with her demons and start making a fresh new life. She did see one pysch, but informed me that she felt she knew better than he did and that he was very uneducated in comparison to her and that therefore no one would ever be able to help her because she would always know more. I can honestly say in the last year, there has not been a single time that I have seen her when she HASNT mentioned these events.
Now dont get me wrong, I have been there for her every single time, I have chatted with her, been a shoulder to cry on, empathised with her, supported her, assisted her in every way I possibly can - but after so long theres not much you can do. It appears she isnt ready to help herself yet.
She DOES play the victim - in every day life scenarios, work, friends, you name - she always finds a way to make every situation that occurs to be as though she is the victim.
She likes to use the internet dating websites, has never been able to make anything from the guys she meets, she meets them, goes on a date or two and then sleeps with them and then they never call her again.
She is desperate to get married and have children (she is 30), her house is an absolute disaster - filthy - hideously filthy - to the point she stays in hotels a lot so that she doesnt have to go back to her own house.
She is quite overweight but wont do anything about it - citing that she has a medical condition - she has been prescribed medication for it however says that it doesnt work (Ive never once seen her take it) and that the drs have said she has a very rare case and nothing will ever work for her condition.
She has recently met a new dude - he is close to 40, doesnt have a job, cant drive and lives with a family member..
The other day I may have over stepped the mark when she told me about him, because I ended up telling her that she is wasting her time - absolutely no offence to the dude she has met - but I know her and every time she gets caught up with guys (who after hearing about them ring alarm bells to everyone else in our group) it ends in a week or two, for the exact reasons we all saw coming in the first place and its usually me who is left to pick up the pieces, again she can never admit that maybe they werent right for her, she makes herself the victim...
This time - I pointed out that she wants to get married and have kids and all the rest and that doing so with a man who has no job, no license, and still lives with family probably isnt the smartest idea.
She was pretty upset with me for being judgemental about him, at the end of the day, it really wasnt about him - it was about HER.
I feel that before she can go out and meet someone she wants to marry and what ever else, she needs to get her own life in order...
She needs to get help to deal with her inner demons, she needs to get her house clean (its not just a bit messy - it hoarder like and with animals!), she needs to get her 'medical condition' under control...

Other friends have told her all of this before, so she stopped sharing information with them and moved to the next friend - for the last 10 months that person has been me and I am exhausted - she needs some help and she just wont do it got herself. I feel like she LIKES playing the victim because its easier than fessing up to real life.

I want nothing more than to see her happily married with kids in years to come, I want her to be happy, I love her dearly.. But I cant stand listening to the sob stories anymore when she wont help herself. - I may have told her this too...

Was I wrong in doing so?
By Missy79 7 years ago :: Friends
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