My Mother Does Not Approve Of My Relationship

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Side 2
Side 1 says... I've been with my boyfriend for over two years ( long distance) , he is 20 and I am 18. Two years ago, around the time I was graduating high school, I introduced him to my parents as my prom date initially then it eventually came out he was my boyfriend. My parents seemed to like him, they talked to him and didn't have any problems, my brothers( both older than I am) both loved him. Everything was okay. He went back to the US and we continued our ldr however, the following year (last year) when he returned to visit me in the summer, my parents - particularly my mother- started having " problems" with him. While he was there, they hardly said a word to him when he came to the house , my brothers were the only ones who were welcoming to him. I didn't understand why my mother was acting this way all of a sudden. My father was rather indifferent and pretty much sided with my mother. They didn't want him at the house when they weren't there, when he COULD come, they didn't want him there "too late" ( keep in mind this is during vacation, the only time we get to see each other). I found this very unfair since we hardly get to see each other all year and the few weeks that we do, they restrict us. Whenever I went to hang out with him, I had to endure a long speech before. Why i found it strange was it was all of a sudden; they didn't seem to have any problems the first time they met him the year before. I was hurt that they treated my boyfriend so badly especially after he flew from abroad for my prom and made a second trip to come see me, he was really sweet to my parents and I don't see why they were mean to him. I felt as if though they didn't give him much of a chance. A couple days before he left to go back my mother told me that I wasn't mature enough to handle a long distance relationship and that I should end it and it wasn't going to work out and our relationship didn't make any sense. I don't see why because first of all, we were already together for a year then ( and now two) so clearly we could handle it, secondly, it would be purposeless to end it and remain "friends" as she said we should, thirdly , I believe it is my relationship and not hers and she does not have to approve but she should at least be happy for me. What really upsets me is that she has not once given me a valid reason to treat my boyfriend the way she does. Whenever I ( or my brothers) mention his name at home it is as if we're committing a crime. I may be biased since it is my boyfriend but he has no qualities that I know they would dislike in a partner for me. Every time I ask my mother what her problem is with him she always gives a vague answer and says I can't "handle" it and I need to focus on school and stop being distracted. I don't see this as a valid reason because I get good grades in school, the one subject that I am horrible in ( Math) , my boyfriend helped me with since he is a genius in that subject. Ironically, my mom also had a problem with him helping me with math. I failed math the first time I took it , I retook it during the summer and my boyfriend was tutoring me, my mother literally scolded and yelled at me saying to stop wasting my time with him and to ask my brother for help. The last time I checked it was my education and since it was in MY best interest to improve in the subject I should go to someone whom I know can explain well ( I am very slow and my brother has little patience which is why I don't ask him for help) . I feel like she was finding every excuse to say something bad about him and finding every possible way to take him out of my life. She doesn't even like when we video call each other and has banned me from using her laptop which I don't protest to since it is HER laptop and I simply use my brother's computer ( I don't have my own) . she doesn't stop me but she mumbles and grumbles when she sees me talking to him. She even threatened to break my webcam once which she can not do because it is not hers. He bought it for me and she can not break or take away something she did not pay for. I continue to communicate with him and ignore what she says. She can stop me from using her laptop but she can not stop me from communicating with my boyfriend with MY webcam, MY phone and anything else that I bought with MY money or was a gift from someone else. I have tried to shown my mother him and I are serious, if I wasn't serious about him I would not bring him home to them ( he was the first boy I ever brought home ), I would not still be with him and I would not do half the things I do for him. Likewise, he wouldn't do half the things he does for me if he wasn't serious too. I find it strange that she gets angry when he helps me or does something nice for me ( i.e. helping me with homework, sending me sweet gifts , flying here to see me) . She doesn't seem to take into account that he does a lot for me. I know long distance relationships are hard but we are handling it pretty well. They also seem to not acknowledge the fact that him and I are together . If I am talking to a male friend that they do not know they would jokingly assume he is someone I'm "interested" in , completely forgetting I have a boyfriend. They even subtly hint that I should date a particular guy. I find this totally disrespectful to my boyfriend. It is bad enough that they don't want us together but trying to pair me with other people while I am with my boyfriend is just wrong. To make matters worse, his mother is a sweetheart to me and loves me even though we have not met in person yet because my mother refuses to allow me to visit them in the US ( They live in a city I have been to multiple times before). Even though I saved my own money she refuses to allow me to go. I don't think this is fair since he visited me twice and his mother feels offended that my mom does not want to send me. I even told her this and she bluntly said she doesn't care. I love him and he loves me and my parents don't have to like him but I would like them to show him a little respect at least :)
Added by maggie500 (female)
Side 2 says... I do not approve of my 18 year old daughter's relationship because I simply believe she is not mature enough to handle a long distance relationship. Besides the fact that I don't think these types of relationshis work, I don't think she can handle this. She has a future to think about and she shouldn't be wasting her time with some boy who doesn't even live in the same country. I care less if they've known each other for years and are dating for two years, I don't consider their relationship a real one and if she doesn't get out of it she can get hurt emotionally. SHe has no idea what he is doing over there. I will not support their relationship because I honestly believe it is nonsense. The reason why I did not protest at first was because I didn't think it was serious. He took her to prom and when he returned to the states I didn't think their relationship would continue.When I found out it was and he visited again , I didn't want her seeing him all the time and having him over when I nor my husband were not at home because I have no idea what he could do to her when they're unsupervised. Her protest to that is I did not supervise my son with his girlfriend when he was her age( he is only three years older than her) but I see her situation to be completely different. I frankly did not care if he was only visiting for a few weeks or if he flew all the way from the united states. I don't care. I don't want her to see him at all. She is young and she has her whole life ahead of her, she should not be worried about some boy who is not even here to physically be with her. The reason why I don't like them video calling is that they do it TOO much and I am sure that they don't converse about anything sensical. I don't acknowledge they're so called relationship because I don't think it is a real one. She is wasting her time with him and I don't need to give her a valid reason why I don't approve, in fact, him being miles away is a good enough reason. She says I hardly gave him a chance, I met him once, he seemed nice at first but I do not trust him. She is living under my roof, so my rules apply, simple as that.
Added by tracy2a (female)
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