HELP! Anyone out there with advice about raising a 13 yr old daughter?

my 13 yr old is ruining our family! constant disrespect, yelling, telling me she hates me...all of this causes our son to have to hear constant fighting and my husband and i are at odds with each other over what to do! we have gone to family counseling...didnt do a thing for her, we've taken away things, grounded her and done everything else we can think of....any advice would be appreciated!!