How do I become a good stepmom?

I am getting married next year to my boyfriend of 5 years. He has kids from a previous marriage, ages 11-15. They are great kids and we get along well. He has the kids for the whole summer and they switch for the major holidays, since they moved out of state with their mom and stepdad a few years ago.

During our pre-marital classes, one question that came up is who will be the disciplinarian and who will be the nurturer for when we have children. We both agreed that both of us need to share these roles. The next question that came from that is if I take on those roles with his kids now. Since I don't see the kids as much as I would if my fiance had full custody, and we don't live together, we don't have those everyday opportunities to have a 'normal' family life. They listen to me and we get along, but I honestly don't discipline or nurture in the way their mom would. I don't really know my place, and I don't know that I ever will since they will never be with us full time.

When the kids are here I usually spend the weekends at their dad's place and go over a few times during the week, and we go on trips as well. The Deacon suggested that during this next year I try to step more into the role of stepmom, but I don't know how to do that. We will see them for Christmas and maybe their spring break, but next summer is the wedding.

I am looking forward to being a mom, but at the same time I won't really be one, and I don't know that the kids will see me as one. How do I step into this role after being just the 'girlfriend' for so long?
By shellbell5 10 years ago :: Parenting
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