Wondering whether I need to temporarily sever my relationship with my mom and her husband.
I am in a really bad place. Although I've worker with a therapist for seven years,I don't know what to do anymore. I will attempt to be brief.
I am 48 yrs.old. When I was 18,I was diagnosed as suffering from major depression. Since that time until the present,it seems as though my mother,her husband and my brother need me to be the designated patient in the family. The one who has a diagnosis - the one who is sick for them to be well. This paralizing label persists in spite of the fact that I graduated from colllege w/a BS in Business Administration and worked for twenty yrs. as a flight attendant until a shoulder injury made it impossible to return to work.
I am now physically sick and have been so for nearly four years. I have all the symptoms of cushing's syndrome or disease yet I have yet to receive a diagnosis. Most days,I struggle with excruciating pain in my ankles,feet and knees and am getting closer and closer to becoming bedridden. I have severe edema in all of the areas I described as well as lesions on my face,neck ,chest,shoulders and back.My family has just in the last nine months began to believe that I am sick. Since the first symptom I experienced was sudden,abnormal weight gain,they have sat back and accused me of either being lazy or delusional throughout the first 31/2 years of my illness. This has taken quite a toll on my psyche as well as my marriage.
Yesterday,I needed to go to the ER and called upon my stepfather for help. He did in fact come over to pick me up but not without making comments about my house being a mess,etc. I think his exact words were "how does someone live like this?" Just what I needed to hear when feeling as if I were on the verge of dying. He couldn't seem to grasp the fact that I had been in bed since Saturday and my husband had been in charge of everything. My husband recently started a job with a new company and has been taking care of me and our cat and rabbit so it is understandable that our house in not in tip top shape. But all of that is irrelevant,isn't it? I mean,here I am in bad shape and he's commenting on our house. Difficult for me to understand. So he takes me to the hospital and it's the ususal song and dance....a little pain medication,blood tests,a few x-rays and they send me home. But before I was released,my step-father asked my husband to walk him to his car. He began to express that he thinks a lot of my physical ailments are due to my psychiatric problems...Almost as if I have created them in some psycho-somatic way. Before leaving,he had quite an in depth conversation with my husband. Everything my husband related to me in regard to their conversation hit a familiar note. My family wants to believe that everything in my life is somehow connected to psychiatric illness. It's interesting. It's as if they'll only allow me to get so comfortable or exhibit so much happiness before they begin to miscontrue,alienate,gossip or cause some problem for me and my hussband. Although they claim that they want nothing more than for me to be happy and live a 'normal' life,they seem to do everything within their power to ensure that this will never be the case. One can imagine how confusing this must be. To add to the confusion,my mother at age 71 was diagnosed with endometrial cancer last Fall. Prior to this,I had been diligently working with my therapist to learn how to separate from my mother in a healthy way to establish the autonomy that has always eluded me. I love my mom so much. When her disease became known,all bets were obviously off and my game plan had to be redesigned. The problem is,I never figured out what this re-design would look like let alone put it into practice. Things have proceeded along in the same dysfunctional way as usual. The problem is,after hearing this recent information that my stepfather shared with my husband, I feel as if I simply will never survive if I don't get away from them for a period of time...both physically and mentally. I am hurt beyond anything words could ever express. In two days, I will be 49 years of age yet there is no respect - no consideration for the fact that I am a grown woman who is very loving yet troubled by some very real physical hurdles. I live each day not knowing whether or not the medical community will figure out what is wrong with me. Getting through each day with the amount of pain I must endure has become quite a challenge . My marriage of five years, has survived more stress in the last four years than most marriages do over the course of a lifetime. The last thing I need is family who is not only unsupportive but damaging to my overall health and marriage. I have no idea how to handle this delicate situation. I don't want to hurt anyone yet I can't see how I can go on status-quo. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I am 48 yrs.old. When I was 18,I was diagnosed as suffering from major depression. Since that time until the present,it seems as though my mother,her husband and my brother need me to be the designated patient in the family. The one who has a diagnosis - the one who is sick for them to be well. This paralizing label persists in spite of the fact that I graduated from colllege w/a BS in Business Administration and worked for twenty yrs. as a flight attendant until a shoulder injury made it impossible to return to work.
I am now physically sick and have been so for nearly four years. I have all the symptoms of cushing's syndrome or disease yet I have yet to receive a diagnosis. Most days,I struggle with excruciating pain in my ankles,feet and knees and am getting closer and closer to becoming bedridden. I have severe edema in all of the areas I described as well as lesions on my face,neck ,chest,shoulders and back.My family has just in the last nine months began to believe that I am sick. Since the first symptom I experienced was sudden,abnormal weight gain,they have sat back and accused me of either being lazy or delusional throughout the first 31/2 years of my illness. This has taken quite a toll on my psyche as well as my marriage.
Yesterday,I needed to go to the ER and called upon my stepfather for help. He did in fact come over to pick me up but not without making comments about my house being a mess,etc. I think his exact words were "how does someone live like this?" Just what I needed to hear when feeling as if I were on the verge of dying. He couldn't seem to grasp the fact that I had been in bed since Saturday and my husband had been in charge of everything. My husband recently started a job with a new company and has been taking care of me and our cat and rabbit so it is understandable that our house in not in tip top shape. But all of that is irrelevant,isn't it? I mean,here I am in bad shape and he's commenting on our house. Difficult for me to understand. So he takes me to the hospital and it's the ususal song and dance....a little pain medication,blood tests,a few x-rays and they send me home. But before I was released,my step-father asked my husband to walk him to his car. He began to express that he thinks a lot of my physical ailments are due to my psychiatric problems...Almost as if I have created them in some psycho-somatic way. Before leaving,he had quite an in depth conversation with my husband. Everything my husband related to me in regard to their conversation hit a familiar note. My family wants to believe that everything in my life is somehow connected to psychiatric illness. It's interesting. It's as if they'll only allow me to get so comfortable or exhibit so much happiness before they begin to miscontrue,alienate,gossip or cause some problem for me and my hussband. Although they claim that they want nothing more than for me to be happy and live a 'normal' life,they seem to do everything within their power to ensure that this will never be the case. One can imagine how confusing this must be. To add to the confusion,my mother at age 71 was diagnosed with endometrial cancer last Fall. Prior to this,I had been diligently working with my therapist to learn how to separate from my mother in a healthy way to establish the autonomy that has always eluded me. I love my mom so much. When her disease became known,all bets were obviously off and my game plan had to be redesigned. The problem is,I never figured out what this re-design would look like let alone put it into practice. Things have proceeded along in the same dysfunctional way as usual. The problem is,after hearing this recent information that my stepfather shared with my husband, I feel as if I simply will never survive if I don't get away from them for a period of time...both physically and mentally. I am hurt beyond anything words could ever express. In two days, I will be 49 years of age yet there is no respect - no consideration for the fact that I am a grown woman who is very loving yet troubled by some very real physical hurdles. I live each day not knowing whether or not the medical community will figure out what is wrong with me. Getting through each day with the amount of pain I must endure has become quite a challenge . My marriage of five years, has survived more stress in the last four years than most marriages do over the course of a lifetime. The last thing I need is family who is not only unsupportive but damaging to my overall health and marriage. I have no idea how to handle this delicate situation. I don't want to hurt anyone yet I can't see how I can go on status-quo. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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