Sex has become a huge problem.

I have been married for 15 years and known my wife for 19. My wife and I are in our early 40s. We never had a particularly exciting sex life but in the past few years after our daughter was born it has become very one sided. She “tolerates” it by squeezing her eyes shut, looking away, and then promptly pushing me away after. Last year I found an email to her friend where she said she is disgusted by the thought of sex with me and she is jealous of her divorced friend who has a boyfriend and how nice the new touches are. From the beginning she never let me touch her in intimate spots so foreplay was never there despite me trying including kisses and caresses.

I recognize that I have played some part in this by actions in the past as I am human and not perfect. I have tried to work through my flaws and made significant progress on things she doesn’t like that I did. I also tried to make myself more attractive by going to the gym with a trainer and lost 25 lbs and I am in the best shape of my life.

A few years ago I was watching a movie of a passionate sex scene and realized in addition to the physical aspect I am really missing the emotional connection with kissing, holding, and seeing my wife get pleasure from me. An open marriage is out of the question because I realize it is more than casual physical pleasure. That would lead to further division .

We went to marriage counseling twice and she refused to bring this up. She tried hormone therapy which I appreciated but it didn’t work for this purpose. After that she told me she’s tried everything and this is just who she is. I do have a high sex drive but I do my best to keep it in check and never force it or guilt her into sex. Recently she told me that her compromise is a monthly quota and that I now need to use condoms.

I feel like a male chauvinist sex crazed person, which I honestly don’t think I am. Her friends reinforce that view and everyone seems to think I am shallow. Every time she will “tolerate” it I honestly feel like I’ve done something horrible to her and there is a morning full of hidden anger between us (she will only do it first thing in the morning). I really don’t want a divorce especially with a young daughter but I feel so trapped.

I need some some advice.

By Blueeyedguy28 5 years ago :: Marriage
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