Our Love Feud
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Side 2
Side 2
Side 1 says...
I don't even know where to begin:
Life was great until 2 months ago.
My boyfriend has been recently pressuring me into having sex with him, moving in with him, or marrying him. The thing is, I want save my virginity for the man who will marry me (I really want it to be my current boyfriend), but I want to wait to see if he will really marry me. Don't judge me people, saving my virginity is a moral value, not a "sexual symbol for love" as our society has unfortunately made it today. Respect my desire to remain this way. Just as I respect women who sleep with several men, a woman who does not sleep w/ lots of men should be respected and not called a prude/weird.
The thing is I love this man more than anything, but I can't move in with him/marry him just yet because 1) I'm broke ( I just got out of college and I am in a huge debt and 2) I plan on going to get my masters and law degree. If this were a perfect world were love was just enough, then yes I would elope immediately. However, the U.S. is currently in a major economic crisis and hence, I do not want to contribute to the welfare/low-income population by adding myself to this list. Not because I mind being poor, but it's because I want to make a smart decision and prosper economically as much as I can. A B.A. degree isn't really getting me anywhere right now, so I beg him to understand why obtaining another degree is a priority for me.
In our past, he lied to me about his sexual experiences, as did I. We meet when we were 15-16 years old. We are now 22-23 years old. He lied to me, I was hurt, but now I'm over it. I lied to him, now he's hurt, and SO NOT OVER IT. I have been tested for STD's and has he; we are both clean so that is not the issue here.
Here is the thing, he doesn't trust me. According to him, he went through my laptop and said that "I had googled my ex because I still care about my ex." I do not know what he is talking about. My boyfriend is known to exaggerate details so I dismissed the idea and laughed it off. I think it's a ridiculous accusation. Not realizing how serious he was, my current boyfriend takes it a step further and obsesses w/ finding out more about my ex, such as his youtube videos, etc to see what he is like. My friends say it's "possessive and creepy." I love him so much and I wish he would stop. I did not research this information and I don't know if he is even telling the truth about this incident. Either way, I am not the only person, who has access to the computer so it isn’t necessary me the only person who can have the finger pointed to. To be quite honest, I am not one bit curious about how my ex is doing. I am very busy with work (I am on-call 24 hours a day on weekdays), preparing for the GRE's, and applying to Master's Programs. I am also way too busy and focused on my boyfriend.
Like when I found texts from other girls on his phone, he said it was his friend texting other girls (which I believe is true)...I trust my boyfriend that he is being faithful (as hard as it seems sometimes to believe). Then I remind myself that his friends do use his phone frequently, but it did make me suspicious for a while. While I was studying abroad in Europe, I did not get one phone call from him, or a letter, or any attempt for him to communicate with me. Hence, I always tried to get him jealous by saying how other guys, such as exes would do things for me, unlike him. Sure, it was immature (I realize that now), but as a teen, I did not know how else to handle my frustration. Once I matured, I completely stopped using these stupid little games as a way to try to manipulate him (which obviously didn't work anyway). Because of all this drama, we broke up for 3 months, we dated other people (no exes, new people), and came back to each other. There is no one else like him. We hit it off right away and he said, "things were perfect again."
He says that I use to say that my ex was better than him. Yes, I did. Why? This guy is known for ignoring my calls, ditching me for his friends, and standing me up. It hurts being rejected by him like this. Nevertheless, I am still with him. I try not to let it get to me when I am reminded of how he has hurt me in the past. Not that I am trying to justify my actions, but I did not know how to communicate it to him that I was hurt by his constant rejection. The thing is my boyfriend has a hard time saying no, so he would say yes even when his parents would say no to going on a certain day. Hence I would always end up alone without him physically there. Even though I came clean about playing this little game of making him jealous, my boyfriend has concluded that I thought my ex is better than him because I said this when I was mad at him. It was more of a manipulation on my part: I know what hurts him so I said it. Now I feel horrible for saying it (because I didn't mean it), but now he can't let go of it. It's like if I were to hold these constant rejections from him against him. I don't; we need to let go and move on, right?
I also told him that I never loved my ex because it was an abusive sexual relationship. He made me do things and he did things to me that I did not want to do. At first, I told my boyfriend that I had a sexual history because he said that he had one too. Now, that I came clean and told him that I was sexually assaulted and abused, he has a hard time accepting it. He thinks if you did this and that with your ex, then you must have loved him. But how can I love someone, who did all these things to me? How can I want to go back to someone who abused me in such a negative manner? It's not that I loved him, I just had low self-esteem. Now, I am a stronger person and I WOULD NEVER let anyone do that to me again.
What has kept me with him? After all this drama and getting back together, he did change a lot. He is sweet, respectful, funny, and easy-going (when he isn't paranoid). Now I feel like things are going downhill...
I want to be with him, the question isn't should I be with him. My question is the following: Does it make sense for him to be as paranoid as he is?
His paranoia is making me paranoid about our relationship. Like one minute it's on and the next it's off. After much discussion, we thought that it would be best to open up this question to you all to see what you have to say about our crazy little love feud.
Life was great until 2 months ago.
My boyfriend has been recently pressuring me into having sex with him, moving in with him, or marrying him. The thing is, I want save my virginity for the man who will marry me (I really want it to be my current boyfriend), but I want to wait to see if he will really marry me. Don't judge me people, saving my virginity is a moral value, not a "sexual symbol for love" as our society has unfortunately made it today. Respect my desire to remain this way. Just as I respect women who sleep with several men, a woman who does not sleep w/ lots of men should be respected and not called a prude/weird.
The thing is I love this man more than anything, but I can't move in with him/marry him just yet because 1) I'm broke ( I just got out of college and I am in a huge debt and 2) I plan on going to get my masters and law degree. If this were a perfect world were love was just enough, then yes I would elope immediately. However, the U.S. is currently in a major economic crisis and hence, I do not want to contribute to the welfare/low-income population by adding myself to this list. Not because I mind being poor, but it's because I want to make a smart decision and prosper economically as much as I can. A B.A. degree isn't really getting me anywhere right now, so I beg him to understand why obtaining another degree is a priority for me.
In our past, he lied to me about his sexual experiences, as did I. We meet when we were 15-16 years old. We are now 22-23 years old. He lied to me, I was hurt, but now I'm over it. I lied to him, now he's hurt, and SO NOT OVER IT. I have been tested for STD's and has he; we are both clean so that is not the issue here.
Here is the thing, he doesn't trust me. According to him, he went through my laptop and said that "I had googled my ex because I still care about my ex." I do not know what he is talking about. My boyfriend is known to exaggerate details so I dismissed the idea and laughed it off. I think it's a ridiculous accusation. Not realizing how serious he was, my current boyfriend takes it a step further and obsesses w/ finding out more about my ex, such as his youtube videos, etc to see what he is like. My friends say it's "possessive and creepy." I love him so much and I wish he would stop. I did not research this information and I don't know if he is even telling the truth about this incident. Either way, I am not the only person, who has access to the computer so it isn’t necessary me the only person who can have the finger pointed to. To be quite honest, I am not one bit curious about how my ex is doing. I am very busy with work (I am on-call 24 hours a day on weekdays), preparing for the GRE's, and applying to Master's Programs. I am also way too busy and focused on my boyfriend.
Like when I found texts from other girls on his phone, he said it was his friend texting other girls (which I believe is true)...I trust my boyfriend that he is being faithful (as hard as it seems sometimes to believe). Then I remind myself that his friends do use his phone frequently, but it did make me suspicious for a while. While I was studying abroad in Europe, I did not get one phone call from him, or a letter, or any attempt for him to communicate with me. Hence, I always tried to get him jealous by saying how other guys, such as exes would do things for me, unlike him. Sure, it was immature (I realize that now), but as a teen, I did not know how else to handle my frustration. Once I matured, I completely stopped using these stupid little games as a way to try to manipulate him (which obviously didn't work anyway). Because of all this drama, we broke up for 3 months, we dated other people (no exes, new people), and came back to each other. There is no one else like him. We hit it off right away and he said, "things were perfect again."
He says that I use to say that my ex was better than him. Yes, I did. Why? This guy is known for ignoring my calls, ditching me for his friends, and standing me up. It hurts being rejected by him like this. Nevertheless, I am still with him. I try not to let it get to me when I am reminded of how he has hurt me in the past. Not that I am trying to justify my actions, but I did not know how to communicate it to him that I was hurt by his constant rejection. The thing is my boyfriend has a hard time saying no, so he would say yes even when his parents would say no to going on a certain day. Hence I would always end up alone without him physically there. Even though I came clean about playing this little game of making him jealous, my boyfriend has concluded that I thought my ex is better than him because I said this when I was mad at him. It was more of a manipulation on my part: I know what hurts him so I said it. Now I feel horrible for saying it (because I didn't mean it), but now he can't let go of it. It's like if I were to hold these constant rejections from him against him. I don't; we need to let go and move on, right?
I also told him that I never loved my ex because it was an abusive sexual relationship. He made me do things and he did things to me that I did not want to do. At first, I told my boyfriend that I had a sexual history because he said that he had one too. Now, that I came clean and told him that I was sexually assaulted and abused, he has a hard time accepting it. He thinks if you did this and that with your ex, then you must have loved him. But how can I love someone, who did all these things to me? How can I want to go back to someone who abused me in such a negative manner? It's not that I loved him, I just had low self-esteem. Now, I am a stronger person and I WOULD NEVER let anyone do that to me again.
What has kept me with him? After all this drama and getting back together, he did change a lot. He is sweet, respectful, funny, and easy-going (when he isn't paranoid). Now I feel like things are going downhill...
I want to be with him, the question isn't should I be with him. My question is the following: Does it make sense for him to be as paranoid as he is?
His paranoia is making me paranoid about our relationship. Like one minute it's on and the next it's off. After much discussion, we thought that it would be best to open up this question to you all to see what you have to say about our crazy little love feud.
Added by LiberalLatina (female)
Side 2 says...
Well our relationship did head downhill about 2 months ago. When we first met all she would talk about was her ex. She talked about how great he was and how he loved her dearly. She would always tell me how it was her fault he cheated on her and how she regreted doing or not doing things to him. One time after her brother was telling me how much better I was than him she started crying right after he said the ex cheated and left her right in front of me! Then she claimed it was because she was "used to him" thats why she cried. Why would something that happened 5 years ago still hurt while you're with the person you call the "love of your life". Everytime I would bad mouthed him she would defend him. On top of that she has always said negative things about me. How others looked better and such which is why I wouldn't call her in Europe. I was the head of my household and to call so she could say how "hot", "proper", and "well dressed" European men were wasn't a priority.
A year during the relationship after talking for a year it stopped and I left it alone. Fast forward 3 years and I find the unique initials he uses from everything from ebay to myspace being searched and been watched on her laptop! I confront her about it she blames her family so I leave it alone. I'm thinking maybe she wasn't thinking about him, perhaps it was a family member. So now im asking her if we can take a step forward in our relationship of four years, after so long it makes sense make this more serious than a high school relationship. She declines, after being engaged for a year already! The plans and actions she said she did for her ex of 1 year did not apply to me. She wants to wait 'till marriage but planned to marry and tried having sex with him. It has always been that way, I have to wait and work harder to achieve what he had in 1 year! Sometimes it makes me feel as if she's waiting for something better or perhaps rekindle old flames. I never told her anyone was better than her nor did I ever express my love for others to her. She has always been #1 in my heart. Now after 4 years+ I want to make sure I am the one she wants but she refuses to do what she said she did and would do for him.
A year during the relationship after talking for a year it stopped and I left it alone. Fast forward 3 years and I find the unique initials he uses from everything from ebay to myspace being searched and been watched on her laptop! I confront her about it she blames her family so I leave it alone. I'm thinking maybe she wasn't thinking about him, perhaps it was a family member. So now im asking her if we can take a step forward in our relationship of four years, after so long it makes sense make this more serious than a high school relationship. She declines, after being engaged for a year already! The plans and actions she said she did for her ex of 1 year did not apply to me. She wants to wait 'till marriage but planned to marry and tried having sex with him. It has always been that way, I have to wait and work harder to achieve what he had in 1 year! Sometimes it makes me feel as if she's waiting for something better or perhaps rekindle old flames. I never told her anyone was better than her nor did I ever express my love for others to her. She has always been #1 in my heart. Now after 4 years+ I want to make sure I am the one she wants but she refuses to do what she said she did and would do for him.
Added by ThatSilent (male)
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