Are My Expectations Too High? Selfish Bf
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Side 2
Side 2
Side 1 says...
I've been dating my bf for a bit over a year (oct anny). I've felt for some time that maybe we're just innately incompatible. I feel that I love him (trust, am happy with, feel safe with..) but sometimes I think it has to be more than love keeping a couple together. What renews my belief that we're incompatible is what happened yesterday:
We both committed ourselves to a 10 mile march (affiliated with my work place) to begin early in the morning. We had some fruits for breakfast, I gave him most of mine because I had just brushed my teeth (minty taste) and the combined flavor wasn't that appealing. We take off for the march. Half way in he starts complaining, and mentions that he would like to go home. I say fine, he can do whatever he wants. He stays around because he can't find a bus he knows the route of. Meanwhile we're both getting hungrier and hungrier (I had been given 2 oranges, which I split with him)... We reach the point where there's half an hour to go. Excitement. Then he spots a taqueria across the street, decides to get himself some food (he brought his debit card, I only had our bus fare). He buys and eats his plate, tells me he's found his bus, and says he'll see me at home (we live together). I continue the march til the end. Eventually I borrow money from a co-worker to buy dinner, go home, and fall asleep without a word to him.
This isn't the first time he's done these sorts of selfish, self-centered things, where he doesn't seem to consider me at all.. I'm not sure whether this is acceptable absent-mindedness and I'm blowing it over or whether it's a legitimate complaint.
**The reason I say "innately incompatible" is because maybe this is acceptable behavior for him but obviously hurtful for me and so would just represent different worldviews.
We both committed ourselves to a 10 mile march (affiliated with my work place) to begin early in the morning. We had some fruits for breakfast, I gave him most of mine because I had just brushed my teeth (minty taste) and the combined flavor wasn't that appealing. We take off for the march. Half way in he starts complaining, and mentions that he would like to go home. I say fine, he can do whatever he wants. He stays around because he can't find a bus he knows the route of. Meanwhile we're both getting hungrier and hungrier (I had been given 2 oranges, which I split with him)... We reach the point where there's half an hour to go. Excitement. Then he spots a taqueria across the street, decides to get himself some food (he brought his debit card, I only had our bus fare). He buys and eats his plate, tells me he's found his bus, and says he'll see me at home (we live together). I continue the march til the end. Eventually I borrow money from a co-worker to buy dinner, go home, and fall asleep without a word to him.
This isn't the first time he's done these sorts of selfish, self-centered things, where he doesn't seem to consider me at all.. I'm not sure whether this is acceptable absent-mindedness and I'm blowing it over or whether it's a legitimate complaint.
**The reason I say "innately incompatible" is because maybe this is acceptable behavior for him but obviously hurtful for me and so would just represent different worldviews.
Added by Nati (female)
Side 2 says...
I agree with Natalie that my actions were selfish - I never thought that she would be without food or have to bum off someone to eat. However, the circumstances of the situation warrant further explanation.
Natalie volunteers for an organization that helps immigrant day workers find work, and I help them out on weekends. This weekend, they were going to a march promoting the universal declaration of human rights. Key words such as "universal" led me to believe this march would be well organized and include many different groups. With these expectations in mind, I went with her on sunday morning to the protest. Upon arriving, I found that not only was the march not well organized, but it was entirely in spanish (which i am only minimally conversant in) and I was the only white person present (not counting a communist who was railing on capitalism). I quickly became bored with the speeches, which I couldn't understand, but stuck around for the march. The point where I departed was when the march got back to its starting point, before heading on to the city hall for more speeches. By this time I was tired, frustrated from being the token member of my demographic, and starving. I went across the street, ordered some tacos (Natalie is a vegetarian- there was no posted menu and I don't know what I would have ordered her even if I had thought of it), and hopped on the bus for home, thinking there was no problem.
We get along well, most of the time, and while our tastes are not that similar in a lot of areas, we both like novel and new things and this leads us on lots of adventures in some sense or the other. I don't know how much of our conflicts are incompatibility, and how much are just inevitable bumps in the road. Either way, I love her and hope she stays with me.
Natalie volunteers for an organization that helps immigrant day workers find work, and I help them out on weekends. This weekend, they were going to a march promoting the universal declaration of human rights. Key words such as "universal" led me to believe this march would be well organized and include many different groups. With these expectations in mind, I went with her on sunday morning to the protest. Upon arriving, I found that not only was the march not well organized, but it was entirely in spanish (which i am only minimally conversant in) and I was the only white person present (not counting a communist who was railing on capitalism). I quickly became bored with the speeches, which I couldn't understand, but stuck around for the march. The point where I departed was when the march got back to its starting point, before heading on to the city hall for more speeches. By this time I was tired, frustrated from being the token member of my demographic, and starving. I went across the street, ordered some tacos (Natalie is a vegetarian- there was no posted menu and I don't know what I would have ordered her even if I had thought of it), and hopped on the bus for home, thinking there was no problem.
We get along well, most of the time, and while our tastes are not that similar in a lot of areas, we both like novel and new things and this leads us on lots of adventures in some sense or the other. I don't know how much of our conflicts are incompatibility, and how much are just inevitable bumps in the road. Either way, I love her and hope she stays with me.
Added by ellio (male)
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