Isnt the rule, whoever cooks the other washes up?

I cook dinner every night for my boyfriend and I, and sometimes whoever he decides to bring home for dinner. Afterwards I always have to do the washing up. I have always been told the rule is whoever washes does not have to clean up. And if i dont clean up the dishes get left there for a few days and start to smell. and then he complains about the smell, but still wont do the. He thinks that because his wage buys the food and groceries, he should not have to wash up, and when i threatn to not make him dinner, he threatns to not pay for the groceries. I have enough money to buy groceries for myself if he does do that, but i dont want to hurt him. I do love him afterall lol