When Your Husband Voluntarily Stops Working After He Says I DO

We got married 5 years ago. As soon as we got back from our honeymoon, my husband quit working at his family's business without talking about it with me first or discussing how it would impact our life. I didn't even know he wasn't going to work for several months as I would leave before him and arrive after he usually would.

He drained his savings account that had $150,000 in it to pay the rent and associated bills he normally paid. I thought we would use that money for a home someday. We are in our 50's and if we are ever going to retire, we need to have a home that's paid for or very low living expenses to survive on Social Security someday. He stayed unemployed for over 4 years of our marriage.

Feeling really insecure about our future and realizing his money in the savings was just about gone, I made the decision to cash out some of my retirement fund to use to buy a foreclosure that was about 60 miles from where we lived. The reason was the houses were cheaper further away from the beach and having only one income, it was the most house I could possibly afford on one income, MINE! He grumbles about how I was hell bent on getting a house, how it was 60 miles away from his 15 year old son who isn't that involved with seeing his dad that much anymore as his peers are where his interests are and I think basically my husband felt that he had lost control over just about everything. Which I guess could be true, when you have no money, you kinda don't have much control over anything.

He stayed home day in and day out. I worked 5 days a week, drove 60 miles one way to work and tried to do everything I could to make this marriage work. I resented coming home to a husband that hadn't even so much as showered yet or gotten dressed on more occassions than not. I resented working my ass off while he didn't do much of anything and then had the nerve to whine about living here. He didn't contribute on thin dime to the purchase of the house, the upkeep or food costs and he's complaining.

He got lucky, got a consulting job 6 mos ago that paid him enough to pay for living expenses. So he moved out and got his own apt 60 miles away, closer to his son, that he rarely sees and claims he needed to move so he could work eventually for the family business again. He now works there 2 days a week........really?

It makes sense to pay $2000 a mo to be closer to your job that you go to 2 days a week and for a son that sees you maybe 4 days a month while your wife supports the home and struggles to make ends meet? What do you think? I'm ready to file for divorce. I don't understand what the point to staying married is.
By HomeAlone 9 years ago :: Marriage
  • Rafael Richman
    Ph.D.
    Are you feeling stuck, trapped in the same patterns that repeat over & over? Are you feeling angry, alone, unappreciated & unheard? I can help you. $2.85/minute
       4.84/5
  • Rafael Morales
    MA-MS, MHT-MHRS
    I have extensive training and expertise in clinical, counseling, transpersonal/integral psychology and coaching. I provide support to those willing to work on themselves… $2.75/minute
       4.84/5
  • View More Experts
    10