Am I out of line or not?? My wife of 7 years has gained at least 40 lbs since we married..
When we were dating, I was VERY CLEAR about my preferences regarding the weight of a potential partner. She was not overweight then and she told me that keeping her weight in line was not going to be a problem.
Don't get me wrong - I know many overweight people and their appearance DOES NOT affect my view of them as a person.. I am not a 'shallow person' and realize that a persons worth is not tied to their appearance..
HOWEVER, call it what you will - personal taste or whatever - overweight women are just not sexually appealing to me. This IS NOT something I can control. It is simply a 'turn off' to me and there is nothing I know of that can change it. I would certainly change if I could, but how do you alter innate preferences??
I am sure that there are MANY people that have some physical characteristic that they will NOT tolerate in a partner. I know women that will not date men with facial hair, or that are shorter than them.. If that is acceptable behavior, then is it just as acceptable for me to have my own aversion to flab??
Anyway, after about a year of marriage, she started putting on the pounds and it has slowly continued. She used to tell me that she would work on the weight problem but nothing ever happened. NOW she just says "It is my body, and ONLY my business". Every time I bring it up it leads to an argument.
She drinks 1-2 glasses of wine a day, loves pasta and sweets. Any suggestion at joining Weight Watchers or some equivalent plan is immediately rejected with 'they have awful preprocessed food".
I have suggested a simple plan of attempting a goal of losing one pound a month and buying a good digital scale to record/track her progress. This is 'unreasonable' to her and she says she will not have me 'monitoring her'...
By the way, she is not happy with her body. She will NOT be photographed because she says she 'looks fat.'
Our sex life is now close to non-existent. NEITHER of us is happy about this! I can't imagine going through life celibate.
Don't get me wrong - I know many overweight people and their appearance DOES NOT affect my view of them as a person.. I am not a 'shallow person' and realize that a persons worth is not tied to their appearance..
HOWEVER, call it what you will - personal taste or whatever - overweight women are just not sexually appealing to me. This IS NOT something I can control. It is simply a 'turn off' to me and there is nothing I know of that can change it. I would certainly change if I could, but how do you alter innate preferences??
I am sure that there are MANY people that have some physical characteristic that they will NOT tolerate in a partner. I know women that will not date men with facial hair, or that are shorter than them.. If that is acceptable behavior, then is it just as acceptable for me to have my own aversion to flab??
Anyway, after about a year of marriage, she started putting on the pounds and it has slowly continued. She used to tell me that she would work on the weight problem but nothing ever happened. NOW she just says "It is my body, and ONLY my business". Every time I bring it up it leads to an argument.
She drinks 1-2 glasses of wine a day, loves pasta and sweets. Any suggestion at joining Weight Watchers or some equivalent plan is immediately rejected with 'they have awful preprocessed food".
I have suggested a simple plan of attempting a goal of losing one pound a month and buying a good digital scale to record/track her progress. This is 'unreasonable' to her and she says she will not have me 'monitoring her'...
By the way, she is not happy with her body. She will NOT be photographed because she says she 'looks fat.'
Our sex life is now close to non-existent. NEITHER of us is happy about this! I can't imagine going through life celibate.
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