I quit drinking to save our marriage, I'm having trouble dealing with my wife when she is drinking. Help me!

I had a problem with my drinking/partying my first 3 years of my marriage. My problem was I loved to include drinking and partying everyday of my life. I guess you could say I continued to act like a single man after getting married. My wife began to resent this. She didn't like any of my friends I think mainly because of their influence on me to continue this way of life. At the time they were all single and I had a hard time not doing the things they were doing when hanging out with them. My wife felt unloved and left me for another man after about 3 years of me ignoring her warnings.

I did some serious soul searching right after my wife left me. Of course I was angry at her for cheating on me and then leaving me. I now had to deal with a divorce and custody battle over our young boy. I came to the conclusion I should have listened to her warnings over my drinking and partying. I decided to straighten my life our I must quit all partying. I wish I could have just moderated it but I just can't., It's to fun, except for the consequences that come with it. I knew if I continued down the same road I would ruin any relationships I have in the future. No women would or should have to put up with the way I used to party and carry on.

After quiting drinking and partying my life began to change for the good. Fortunately for me my wife left me for a total loser. Had my actions not made her feel unloved she would not have been so blind and he wouldn't have had a chance. He was like a vulture feeding on prey. He totally took advantage of my wife. Her constant hurt feelings and feeling alone and unloved due to my hanging and partying with my friends made her vulnerable. He totally took advantage of the situation. It only took 3 months for my wife to realize she made a huge mistake. It came as a suprise to me but she took a chance with me again and we got back together. Even though I had only quit drinking for 3 months

Sixteen years later I still haven''t had a drink or any other mind altering substances. My life is so much better because of it. I have a good job, 2 sons, good vacations and benefits, etc.. The one thing that isn't good is my wife has a serious drinking problem. Alcoholism runs in her family. She has made numerous promises to me about quiting drinking but she can't do it. She won't go to AA because she is a high profile person in our community and doesn't want to be embarrassed by showing up at AA. She has had a major car wreck that almost killed her while driving drunk, Since the wreck she continues to drive drunk. She has put her car in a ditch recently, backs into my truck, and on other occasions gets out of the car stumbling. She always swears she will never do this type of thing again. I believe she wants to never do it again but it always continues after a short period of time after each incident. It's to the point I don't believe her anymore. She has lied to me over and over to hide her drinking or to find a way to continue drinking. When I come home from work and she is not home I worry. I think she might be in another wreck. Also when she comes home drinking our night together is basically ruined. It's just the opposite when she isn't drinking. She is fun to be around.

Besides driving drunk, she hides liquor in the car, closet, etc. and practices closet drinking on a regular basis. The problem is her closet drinking and driving drunk is easily detected by me. I hate it., her personality totally changes with even the slightest bit of alcohol. A family intervention wouldn't help because they are all alcoholics also. I know that when she isn't drunk I love being with her. Still being married after 20 years is proof of that.

I'm at a loss and could use some outside advice on how to deal with this problem. I've sometimes even considered the if you can't beat them join them thing. I really don't want to start drinking again just to be able to tolerate being around my wife. I feel I might start abusing drinking again and return to the old days. It's kind of a weird situation when you think about it. She leaves me because of my drinking, we work things out, then I find our she has just as bad if not worse of a problem than I do. At least when I was drinking I could maintain myself, I never had any wrecks or close calls while driving and never had to go around doing damage control after totally embarrassing myself while drinking. Please give me some helpful advice, I'm out of ideas.
By williamcollin88 12 years ago :: Marriage
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