What can I do about this?

My husband of 3 years has found an old friend on his Facebook. It happens to be a woman about his age. He claims they were just very, very close friends back through high school (over 20 years ago, mind you) and it was strictly platonic. But the same day he "friended" her, he changed his password, which he will not give me, saying that he wants his privacy... this was RED FLAG #1.
RED FLAG #2: I caught him lying numerous times about them messaging each other. I had gotten on the computer and he was still logged on to his Facebook so I snooped and saw messages, but when I asked him if he had heard from her, he said no.
RED FLAG #3: I know they have talked on the phone at least twice. Both times it has happened away from me on his business trips.
We have had knock-down drag out fights about this... to the point of almost splitting up. He says I have major trust issues... I tell him "you have to be trustworthy in order for me to trust you". Things actually subsided for a while... until now.
RED FLAG #4: She sent him a message (which I also happened to see) just yesterday saying that she had just separated from her husband and how much she wished my husband were there so she could cry on his shoulder. He replied to her, saying that he wishes he were there too and that she has and always will have his shoulder. Then he asked her if she would call him Monday mid morning while he is driving on his business trip... Obviously he doesn't want me around while he's talking to her.
So I am at an impass. I hate this woman, and I don't even know her. But why after 20 years do they want to get back in touch? Doesn't she have other shoulders to cry on? I honestly can't even brong it up anymore because it is such a sore subject. We have even gone to a counselor and she said "Well aren't you the one that told him to get a Facebook? That's like asking him to go to Hooter's and then getting mad when he checks out the waitresses." I was appalled. I disagreed wholeheartedly, but there sat my husband, gloating in the fact that she was taking his side.
From my point of view, things change when you get married. My husband is #1. I don't go around confiding in other guys. I do that with my husband. I am not necessarily worried about him cheating... as of yet.... I am more concerned over emotional ties which are being created with this woman and then that leading to something. I have never been this insecure or jealous. I mean even the fact he told her she will always have his shoulder.... he never says that to me!
I want brutal honesty from everyone. (be nice though!) Is all of this MY problem, or do I have room to be concerned?? You don't have any idea how close I have come to sending this woman a message telling her to please respect MY marriage and GO AWAY!!
By 9 years ago :: Marriage
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