Networking Nettles
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Side 2
Side 2
Side 1 says...
I recently learned that my work contract will be ending soon and have been reaching out (via email and networking sites) to old work contacts to re-establish my network and help get a new placement. Most of these contacts are men (I work in I.T.), but some are women. For those contacts who work in the same area, I will suggest meeting up for coffee or lunch to catch up and get a feel for the market. The other day, I met with a guy I had worked with previously, and had mentioned it to my wife after plans had been made.
Last night, my wife became upset (and an argument ensued) when she saw an email response from one of my female contacts (suggesting that we meet, and asking if I was still working downtown). No plans were made (I hadn't even read the email yet), and as in the case with my male contacts, I would have told my wife about meeting plans (e.g. lunch or coffee) after they were confirmed.
Is my wife's reaction unwarranted?
I don't see anything wrong with what I did. I don't think I should have to ask permission to attempt to set up a potential business meeting with someone of the opposite sex. I feel that if she fully trusted me, this would not be an issue.
P.S. I have no issue with my wife seeing my emails in this case besides being beautiful, she is talented and articulate, and was helping me with a cover letter, and I greatly appreciate it
Last night, my wife became upset (and an argument ensued) when she saw an email response from one of my female contacts (suggesting that we meet, and asking if I was still working downtown). No plans were made (I hadn't even read the email yet), and as in the case with my male contacts, I would have told my wife about meeting plans (e.g. lunch or coffee) after they were confirmed.
Is my wife's reaction unwarranted?
I don't see anything wrong with what I did. I don't think I should have to ask permission to attempt to set up a potential business meeting with someone of the opposite sex. I feel that if she fully trusted me, this would not be an issue.
P.S. I have no issue with my wife seeing my emails in this case besides being beautiful, she is talented and articulate, and was helping me with a cover letter, and I greatly appreciate it
Added by MisterM (male)
Side 2 says...
Let me begin with a few facts 1) Fact: Let me clarify that it was not the response from the female contact that upset me, but in fact it was his email to her (as explained further in this post) and I have absolutely no problem with contacting a female colleague from the past for networking purposes nor to I have a problem with female friends. 2) Fact: This woman is not a friend and not known to me at all. My husband and I are both business professionals and we talk about everything when it comes to work. We bounce ideas off of each other, de-stress by talking about daily events, and know most of each other's colleagues by first names and usually even last. In this case I have NEVER heard of this female colleague, not mentioned when parlaying about business happenings, not mentioned socially, not mentioned as a good networking contact - not ever mentioned. 3) Fact: There is a history of my husband of hiding communications (all innocent, but secrecy none-the-less) with female friends. To be fair I have certainly over-reacted in some cases and exasperated the problem. Also, prior to meeting me, many plutonic friendships with women ended up involving some sexual contact or extreme feelings (on the part of the female). My husband had little interest in these women (other than perhaps a drunken moment or 2), his signals were simply misread, as he can be naively charming. Actually 4 of these women were at our wedding, so most how big could my trust issues be? ;) Needless to say this somewhat of a sensitive issue at times (although vast improvements have been made on both ends). 4) Fact: My husband asked me to log into his email pertaining to me drafting a cover letter, so let's avoid the whole snooping argument as that's just not the case here as my husband mentioned (smart man). 5) My husband is an intelligent, sexy, and romantic man and I trust him completely.
My problem: All that being said my issue is his naivety, not his commitment to me, nor is it about asking "permission". Although admittedly I did not communicate the following as best as I could with my husband (for that I apologize), my problem was with the fact that he did not mention his intentions to the woman when asking this woman out for lunch. After a year and half of not being in touch (and to someone that was not close enough to have ever mentioned to me), his email simply read "Hey stranger - How's everything going? When are we getting together for lunch? :-)" My thinking is why not ask "I'm making some career changes and value your opinion...would you have time for lunch?" or simply put, "My contract is ending and I was wondering if you know of any opportunities out there...would you have time for lunch?" (there are a myriad of ways his true intentions could be communicated clearly here). Her response was immediate and brief...agreeing to set up lunch, no questions asked. We all know that communication is a funny thing, especially over email. We also all know how much some women read into things (just watch "He's Just Not That Into You" to see Hollywood's take on how off women can be when interpreting signals). This issue is not about this specific exchange, or this specific woman, I am simply asking him not to be naive with women in general. Put your intentions out there. We can't control how others think, so we can only do our best to communicate clearly to avoid misinterpretations by the opposite sex. As a beautiful business woman I am careful about how I present myself to men all the time. I am 100% certain that my husband would never contact a woman with anything other than good intentions. However, I am also 100% sure that the 4 (above-mentioned) special guests at my wedding would agree that he has a way of making women feel special and that unfortunately women often hear what they want to.
ps - I am not expecting an apology from my husband at all. I agree that he did nothing "wrong". I apologize for not communicating my plight more accurately and only ask him to consider that he might be a bit naive and that clear intentions are always a good thing when it comes to communicating with the opposite sex. You can't go wrong by being clear. What would he have to lose?
My problem: All that being said my issue is his naivety, not his commitment to me, nor is it about asking "permission". Although admittedly I did not communicate the following as best as I could with my husband (for that I apologize), my problem was with the fact that he did not mention his intentions to the woman when asking this woman out for lunch. After a year and half of not being in touch (and to someone that was not close enough to have ever mentioned to me), his email simply read "Hey stranger - How's everything going? When are we getting together for lunch? :-)" My thinking is why not ask "I'm making some career changes and value your opinion...would you have time for lunch?" or simply put, "My contract is ending and I was wondering if you know of any opportunities out there...would you have time for lunch?" (there are a myriad of ways his true intentions could be communicated clearly here). Her response was immediate and brief...agreeing to set up lunch, no questions asked. We all know that communication is a funny thing, especially over email. We also all know how much some women read into things (just watch "He's Just Not That Into You" to see Hollywood's take on how off women can be when interpreting signals). This issue is not about this specific exchange, or this specific woman, I am simply asking him not to be naive with women in general. Put your intentions out there. We can't control how others think, so we can only do our best to communicate clearly to avoid misinterpretations by the opposite sex. As a beautiful business woman I am careful about how I present myself to men all the time. I am 100% certain that my husband would never contact a woman with anything other than good intentions. However, I am also 100% sure that the 4 (above-mentioned) special guests at my wedding would agree that he has a way of making women feel special and that unfortunately women often hear what they want to.
ps - I am not expecting an apology from my husband at all. I agree that he did nothing "wrong". I apologize for not communicating my plight more accurately and only ask him to consider that he might be a bit naive and that clear intentions are always a good thing when it comes to communicating with the opposite sex. You can't go wrong by being clear. What would he have to lose?
Added by Mrs_M (female)
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